♤
I lived my life as if I was
being carried by God himself.
Through the soft feeling of the clouds and the rays of the sun on my skin.
I loved one person, she was the only one who deserved and recieved my love, adoration and affection.
My angel, soft and pure as the color we all label as white. She is special, even unique. Made all the hairs on my sinful body standing up.
When she was around my eyes seeked their way towards the sight of her pleasurable body. The sight of her has left me dreaming. Dreaming of what we could have been.
L'amour est la poésie des sens.
With mesmerised, inquisitive eyes I watched her. Following every move. She kept the demons away, ever since I first laid eyes on the precious little girl she was back then.
But oh, how hopeless are we, two lovers and soulmates. We are meant to be apart from one another. Miles away, I hope she finds her destination in live.
She was mine, my destination. The only thing I am breathing, living, fighting and surrendering for. Only for her. For she is the one I love.
The expanding passion was always intensifying with every day that passed. Oh, how I long to have her in my arms again. Oh, how I long for those days to be present again, when she was home, with me.
My darling, my angel, my lover.
Our goodbyes were so painful, they left a scar on me. How she was pulled away from me so roughly. Searching in the dark for my attention.
All those tearing memories leave a scar on my still beating heart. A bigger scar than all those on my damaged chest. Reminding me of them. The voices in my head.
And here I am, laying in a dusty and dark room. Barely breathing of all the hits I recieved. All the pain and blood, its color invading my sight.
Red. Red. Red. Red. Red. Red. Red. Red. Red. Red. Red. Red. Red. Red.
With a sharp knife pressed on my throat they beat my to death. But I survive, for now. Picturing her in my mind and hoping she is full of bright colors, I leave all around me.
Until I open my eyes and see the eyes full of anger and hate staring at my almost lifeless body. That's when reality hits me and the demons inside of me tell me to end it all.
'Is this how you want to end, Harold? To let them destroy you and your pride. Save it and kill yourself.'
They tell me every single day. I try to block them out and leave them. Every single day they sound more satisfying than how my destiny is looking now.
Without her it is all black, dark and endless. We will never be with eachother again. They made it so, so, so clear. No matter how hard she tries to reach for me, we will be breathing with a big amount of distance between us.
She is the thought behind the feeling, the swelling in my scarred chest; the falling star in the evening; the yearning when I close my eyes.
She is the thought behind the sighing,
the song of every word; the tears in all my crying; the ache in every heartbeat.
Save our young, but oh so precious love, I prayed. Begging the gods above on my hurting knees. Looking up with the green in my eyes.
All for nothing.
Because this is reality. Cold as ice and hard as stone. Impossible to ignore. But so unfair and ruining.
June, my angel. She is a daydream. An ambition. My muse. My flower. My sun and my moon. My fire. My sin. My June.
Smiling when I think of her. Staring up at the ceiling of my dark room. Locked up in a dusty square of grief.
Continue to love, June. Continue to live. For I am completed. Because of you my darling.
All because of you.
♤
