How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

4.

It was the next morning and I sat at my messy desk, staring at my laptop screen. Was I going crazy? Could I really be considering what I was about to do?

Come on Claire. It's the click of one button. That's all you have to do.

Flint was exactly right. My life needed to be more rebellious. Up until now, all I've done is wonder if I've done anything significant with my life.

Okay...

And just like that, I clicked my mouse.

I was no longer an accounting major. Goodbye University.

Now what? How do I get this new life started?

I stand up from my pink swivel desk chair. Trying to figure out what to do, I sort of just felt like doing these little hops. It was weird. Then I was standing straight up on my bed, staring at my poster of a giant neon banana above my headboard. After that, I guess I thought spinning uncontrollably on my swivel chair was the best thing to do. Honestly, it didn't help. My head was blank, I couldn't think of anything.

"Claire Popper Paisley, you're going to be late for your class!" I hear my mom shout for the millionth time in her life.

If only she knew what I had just done.

I quickly hop up and make my way downstairs. I don't think I had ever felt this happy before, the smile on my face sure felt real.

"Well don't you look like you woke up on the right side of the bed." my mom says.

"I think I did," I reply, still as happy as ever.

She sighs, "Well, get your butt out that door. You're going to be late, aren't you?"

"Nope." I say, "I just dropped out."

"What?!" she couldn't believe it. "What do you mean you dropped out?"

"I don't want to be an accountant," I tell her.

"And you didn't think to talk to me first?" she was clearly upset with me.

"Nope." I smile.

She gives me this weird look, I can't tell what she's trying to get across. She has a lot of faces like that.

"Are you on drugs?" she asks.

Quickly I respond, "No! God mom!"

"I'm just saying," she says lifting her shoulders briefly. "You've never done anything like this before."

She looks like she's about to leave, but she stops herself.

"Are you sure you're not sick or something?" she's trying to figure me out.

"I'm fine," I say.

My mom leaves and heads towards the kitchen, shaking her head.

I don't think she likes spontaneous moments. She tends to react somewhat like this whenever Flint or I would do something unexpected. Usually, it wasn't anything big like telling her I dropped out of university, but she never really enjoyed anything socially new to our lives. It took her months to be calm to the fact that Flint had a girlfriend.

I find myself searching the internet for hours, trying to make a plan on what to do next. I may have deviated a little, cause somehow I ended up watching a video on how to befriend a duck in the wild. I'm not sure what that friendship would entail, but I'm sure it would be... fun.

Focus!!! Jeeze Claire!

Maybe I just needed to look at my situation differently. Maybe I need to be the duck in this situation. Just go with the flow. Pick something random and see where it takes me, that's something I could do.

Who am I kidding?! I have no idea what I'm doing.

I look around my room trying to find the smallest piece of inspiration. There's my bedside alarm clock, I've had it forever. I think I got it as a birthday present or something, I couldn't quite remember.

Wait a second...

That's it!

I turn to my laptop and start searching for the cheapest plane tickets I could find. There was nowhere in specific I was planning on going to, but I just needed to get out of this time zone. I needed to have an adventure.

I had no idea how I was going to choose one place. I was making it more complicated for myself then it had to be.

The next thing I knew, my phone was buzzing uncontrollably. It was Chase. I was glad to finally get a call from him, we hadn't talked in so long.

I picked up my phone, "Hello?"

"How's my favourite accountant doing?" he says, I could tell that he probably had a smile on the other end.

I took a quick breath, "I dropped out."

"You what?!" he seemed surprised.

"Now don't get started. You sound exactly like my mom when I told her." I say, snarky as ever.

"But what about all the fun accounting... stuff we were going to do?" he sounded somewhat disappointed.

"Don't act like you knew I was going to enjoy it," I tell him.

I can hear him huff, "Honestly I didn't understand why you chose accounting in the first place. At least now you have the common sense to actually see it."

If Chase would have been right in front of me, I would have definitely shoved him.

"Hey!" I say.

"What?!" he would have raised his shoulders, "I'm just calling it as I see it."

I let out a small laugh. Chase was always too honest, I always worried that it would get him hurt somehow.

"Anyways," he starts, "it doesn't make me miss you any less."

"Oh really?" I wondered.

"I miss watching horror movies with you and Karmen until two in the morning. I just wish we weren't all so far away," he says.

"I miss you too," I reply. "You were always the sane one out of all of us."

"Duh." he exaggerates, "If I wasn't around you two probably would have drowned, or something, in a pool of chocolate ice cream."

"Of course it would be ice cream. I wouldn't expect to die any other way." I say sarcastically.

"Honestly," he says, "I have no other ideas as to how you would die."

I roll my eyes, "Well that's comforting."

We were both quiet for a few seconds. This wasn't comforting.

"Oh!" Chase sounds like he's jumping out of his chair, "This reminds me of that ice cream I tried in Ireland. Literally the best god damn chocolate ice cream in the world."

He just said Ireland... Is this it? Is this where I need to go?

There's no harm in travelling halfway across the world for ice cream.

"Chase?" I say.

I can hear his breath, "Yes?"

I wish I could give him a hug, "Thank you."