How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

35.

The door clicked open and in walked in a girl in her tan trench coat. For a moment, I didn't see her face, only those beautiful curls of her's hiding her from me.

Her head pops up as she pulls out her key from the front door and she notices us staring at her.

"Hey you two, I thought you would still be sleeping," she says.

I'm not sure what kind of expression was plastered all over me, but I must of looked somewhat confused and surprised.

"It's you?" I say out loud.

"Yes..." she smirks awkwardly, "It's me... Tess. Spooky, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I blink myself back to reality, "Sorry... I...I-"

She cuts me off, "...Didn't know I was Chase's roommate. I thought it was kind of obvious after talking to you last night."

"It should have been," I start, "I'm just slow sometimes."

"Clearly," she laughs.

I had completely forgotten that Chase was standing right beside me. He kind of just melted away into the walls. It's not that I wanted him to, but my focus was on her. Tess!

I was going to say something, but Chase beat me to it.

"Do want some breakfast?" He asks Tess.

"Uh," she hesitates for a second, "I'm good. I think I'm just going to go take a shower."

"Sounds good," he replies before heading back to start cleaning up our meal.

Tess walks past me and down the hallway to her room to drop her coat off.

I turned back to help Chase clean up. We were a team in the kitchen. He washed the plates and utensils and I followed up by drying them.

I was on my second fork when he turned to me.

"So?" he asks with no kind of direct question.

"So, what?" I question back gawkily.

"Do you not catch my drift?" he rebuts.

I roll my eyes, "No one says that anymore."

I go on to splash him with the drops of water I got from the plate I had moved on to.

"First of all," he points out, "people still say it. Secondly, I saw the way you looked at her."

"And what way was that?" I throw back at him.

He stops washing, "Claire, I've never seen you look at someone that way before. You seemed so... mesmerized."

"I always look like that," I place down my drying towel.

"No you don't," he contradicts me, turning around and leaning on the vinyl countertop. "Do you like her?"

"No!" I square back, "I literally just met her last night. No one falls for someone in a night."

Like you can say that... He definitely doesn't believe you.

He folds his arms, "Why don't I believe you?"

I told you.

"Chase," I grab hold of his shoulders, "I don't-"

"You do."

He wouldn't even let me finish my thought, but I was also scared that I would get too loud and alert Tess. Finally, however, I could hear the water running in the washroom.

I don't know what triggered it, but I just broke down and let everything out.

"God, Chase I don't know what's wrong with me," I spew my words out, "I just... I've been feeling all these things I've never felt before."

"Come here," he says, wrapping me in a hug. "That ice cream in Ireland really messed with you didn't it."

"I never got the stupid ice cream," I say knocking my head against his chest.

We just stand there for a minute, he doesn't say anything, but he's there and I don't know what I would do without him.

"It's okay," he speaks up, "It's okay to feel lost and not know what you're feeling. I used to yell at myself because I didn't know what else to do. It's terrifying, I get it."

For a moment, he squeezes me tighter.

"I'm going to say it again," he says, "I'm here for you no matter what."

His words prompted me to let out a couple of tears, which I swiftly wiped away with the cuff of my long sleeve shirt.

"What did I do to deserve you?" I try to smile.

"Let's see," he grins, "I think you threw a cup of chocolate pudding at Aron Obermeyer in second grade."

He just always has the magic words to make me feel better, even during the times where I have no interest in being happy. Chase has always been the optimistic one, he's not able to bring down anyone. It's kind of his superpower.

"Thank you," I tell him as I finally let go.

"There's no need to thank me," he replies, "I'm just your average gay Spiderman. Saving one amazing, confused, beautiful, person at a time."

"It should be your job." I state, "You're good at it."

"Well duh!" he takes my left hand, "Why do you think I'm studying business?"

I just shrug my shoulders at a loss for words.

"You'll see," he says brightly, "one day I'm going to open up a little café of my own. It's going to be great, and as I'm serving my customers, I'll be able to help them achieve their full queer potential."

"That would be extraordinary," I say.

"But first," he starts, "let me start with you."

I point to myself, "Me?"

"Yes, you!" he shakes his head.

"What are you going to do?" I ask.

He stands up straight and gives me a reaffirming nod.

"I'm going to stand by you and I don't know what else..." he replies, "Just pretend like I'm saying something really deep."

I laugh at his comment before going on, "You're too good for me. Can I marry you?"

"No." he answers, "You're going to do that with Tess."

"With Tess?" I react to his outrageous sentence, "I told you, I literally just met her."

"But I am right, aren't I?" he questions.

"Right about what?" I quiz him back.

"You know..." he twiddles his thumbs, "You find her attractive."

"Wait a second..." I pause, "Is she in to-"

Girls?