How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

27.

"Come and get you?" I can hear Flint say from the other end of his phone surprised at my call, "Yeah... Sure, I'm on my way."

With the turn of a switch, he sounds like he's just dropped everything, literally and metaphorically, and I can imagine that he's somehow racing to get to me. I'm pretty sure I heard him drop his keys a few times.

"I'll be there in thirty minutes," he says before hanging up.

So, I'm still here standing at the door for seconds without end watching people come and go.

I had travelled for so long that I couldn't tell what day it was, let alone what time it was, but the sun was only trying to rise up behind the towering buildings that line the Airport Parkway.

The sun is supposed to make you feel warm and happy, but to me it just emphasizes the cold dark tone of the cement buildings that you would see almost anywhere you turn a corner in the central part of Ottawa. There's no life. The people look dead too, kind of like zombies in their monochromatic suits on there way to who knows where (probably the graveyard). You'd have to drive at least an hour to find any semblance of viable life.

It's not like... Well, it's not like west Ireland or Amsterdam. The buildings have stories, much older than the ones here. They have people whose families go back generations of living in the exact same spot. Me, my family doesn't talk to each other. I couldn't even tell you the name of my cousins, I've never met them and if I have I was too young to remember. We move around so much that there's never any time to just stop and be happy with where we are.

Happy? Have I ever been really happy? Maybe five years ago when dad was still here... I honestly don't know.

"Hey, potato!" I hear yelled at me.

I look up to see Flint half standing out of the front seat of his car staring at me with his brow furrowed and his shoulders raised in wonder.

"Are you coming?" he asks.

"Yeah!" I say quickly walking over to him.

I messily open the back seat door and toss my bag before opening the passenger door where I slouch into the seat.

With the turn of his key, Flint starts the car and we drive off.

I notice that I can see my breath as I exhale.

"It's getting colder," I mention.

"It is, " he replies, "I had to turn the heat on for mom last night."

She's never been good at figuring anything out, so the fact that Flint had to help her was no surprise.

The cold weather never really bothered me, unless I was somehow soaking wet or covered in mud, which wasn't too common until quite recently.

I'm staring out the window watching everything go by. It felt numb to my eyes. Nothing was new, except maybe the change in a billboard, and it was boring.

Flint kept driving straight ahead, he didn't say anything. I wondered if I should say something.

The fact that he just seemed so laid back and comfortable in his seat instinctively set up a red flag.

What do you mean a red flag? He's clearly just driving.

Well, he's never like this. He's always greeted me with the biggest smile and talked to me the entire ride, but he didn't do it this time. He wasn't being the pesky older brother. I don't think he even glanced at me once. Something is wrong, I just know it.

The light in the sky had gotten to the point where it was shining directly into my eyes. I tried shielding myself from it with my right, but it didn't last too long as we pulled in to my driveway.

Flint turns the car off and doesn't say anything.

I just can't take this silence!

I unbuckle myself and turn towards him, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

He jolts, not expecting my question, "What do you mean?"

"Where's my older brother, what have you done with him?" I ask.

"I still don't know what you're getting at," he says.

I huff and roll my eyes, and with the loudest voice I can muster, I say, "Flint! You haven't said one thing the whole ride!"

"There's no need to shout." he's irritated, "There's nothing wrong."

"Yes, there is!" I'm not giving up, "I know there is!"

"I'm telling you it's all okay!" he gets as loud as me.

I turn away getting out of his stupid Mazda 3, grab my bag, and slam the door pretty loudly, making my intentions clear as I walk towards my front door.

I can hear my brother open his door, "What the hell Claire?!"

Instantly, I let go of everything I'm holding on to and let it drop on to the pavement with a thud. I could feel a fire rising from the darkest parts of my soul. And with one step, then another, I spin on my feet to face him.

"What the hell?!" I yell, "I mean it's not like you were ever good at hiding anything! So what is going on?!"

"Just leave it!" he spits.

"So you're not denying it anymore?!" I snark, "You're halfway there, might as well tell me already!"

I see him finally take a step towards me.

"You know," he says, "you're a pretty shitty sister."

"What is that supposed to mean?!" I bite back.

He looks at me emptily as if I was only the shell of the person he knew, "You didn't think of even giving us any kind of a sign that you were okay! The whole time! You left nothing but that stupid letter!"

Really! That's what this is about!

"You dropped me off at the airport, for crying out loud!" I say. "I was perfectly fine!"

"Well, try telling that to mom!" he rubs in.

"This was your idea, in the first place!" I push back.

He opens his mouth to say something only to be cut off.

"Hey!" I hear yelled at us from behind me.