How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

21.

"Hello sleepy head," the faint voice says.

I can sense my eyes fluttering open and through the bright shining light, the wobbly shape of a head appears to be staring back at me.

"What time is it?" I ask with a dry throat.

"I want to say it's almost three in the morning," she responds, her red hair tickling my nose.

Petal was all smiles and I wondered how she wasn't feeling like death. Sharp pulses were shooting across my head and my stomach felt like it had been punched a few dozen times.

I don't think I had ever had so much to drink in my entire life.

"You've kind of been out for the last hour." she goes on, "You kind of just fell right over. We didn't really know if we should move you or not, so we just sort of left you."

Her friend clearly wasn't here now, "Where is Gretchen?"

"Oh, she decided to go to bed. She's such a party pooper," Petal answers, blowing out her hair in front of her face.

"Yeah, she totally is," I say, "she doesn't get the chance of feeling like you've been hit by a bus."

Petal lets out half of a giggle, "...And, just lying here and talking."

She briefly straightens herself before making her way to lie down beside me. It was nice since I didn't really feel like getting up off the floor at the moment. My head still felt as if it were spinning and I wasn't sure if it was caused by drinking too much or falling over. It was probably both.

"How are your internal organs holding up?" she asks me.

"I'm not sure," I look down towards my stomach, "I don't have x-ray vision to determine the damage."

"Unfortunately, I don't know anyone who specializes in that kind of thing, but I can at least distract you from all your discomfort," she says.

"It's very appreciated," I tell her, still looking up to the ceiling through my drowsiness.

For a second we're both silent, but Petal turns her head to look at me. Noticing, I meet her gaze. She's grinning and biting her bottom lip.

Wow... she's kind of amazing.

"I think you're cool Claire," she nudges me, "I really do."

"You think I'm cool?" I laugh, "The only person I know who might say that is my dad, but that's because he made an effort to look weirder then I did."

"You're not weird, I can promise you that," she replies.

"But how can you be sure about that?" I question, "We don't know each other. I'm probably the weirdest person you will ever meet."

"Because," she says, turning on to her left side, the rustic floorboards creaking under her, "I just know."

But she can't.

"If you're so worried about being weird, just tell me everything. I'll let you know what I think," she tells me.

I turn back to look straight up at my surroundings and I let out a breath.

Can I really tell her everything that I'm thinking? Can I let my deepest darkest secrets out to a complete stranger?

"Come on Claire," she sighs, "If you tell me things about you, I swear I'll tell you everything about me."

You've been taking risks since you left home, what's one more. Isn't this supposed to be the new you?

"Fine," I say, "where do I start?"

"This will be fun," she replies, "so, tell me what your family is like. That's simple isn't it?"

"Well," I start, "there's my mom and my brother."

She looks inquisitive, "What about your dad, you mentioned him earlier."

There's no use in keeping the truth a secret, "He died a few years ago."

"I'm sorry," she says, rubbing my shoulder. "If it's any consolation both my parents died when I was a baby. I don't even remember what they look like, and when I look at pictures of them, they look like any other person I would pass on the street. I don't even know if I would consider them my parents, I have no idea who they are. If anything, that title would go to my grandmother, she raised me."

I'm not sure what to say, but I couldn't keep quiet.

"Your grandmother sounds like quite the strong woman," I say.

I see her smile at my comment, "Yeah she was."

By was I was pretty sure she meant her grandmother wasn't around anymore.

"But on to less depressing things," she changes the subject at hand, "what about a special someone in your life?"

"A who?" I ask.

"You know..." she smirks, "Boyfriend?... Girlfriend?... Other?... I don't know, I'm kind of just listing people."

"Oh," I understand, "no, there's never been, anybody."

"Really?! No one?!" she's surprised.

"Yeah." I let a giggle of embarrassment escape me.

"Wow!" she says sitting up quickly, "You've really never been in a relationship?"

I follow and sit up, slower to keep my stomach from going crazy, but I lean my back on the old navy blue couch right behind me.

"Yep, never," I reply feeling awkward. "I told you I was weird."

"You're not weird," she tries to reassure me, "plenty of girls our age have never been in love."

"Well, it's not just that," I reply with no filter.

Oh no... You can't tell her.

"Then what else are you not telling me?" she tries to read me.

I look towards my hands, fiddling with my fingers, "It's nothing. It doesn't matter."

I was pretty unconvincing, even from the first word I let out of my mouth.

"You've never been kissed..." she says realizing.

I was an idiot to think she wouldn't guess, or maybe something at the bottom of my soul pushed it up through all my pipes. It was practically word vomit, giving her every clue she had searched for.

I watch Petal move to sit on her legs.

"It's just as I said," I tell her, "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing." she shakes her head.

She takes my right hand in hers and brushes her thumb over my knuckles.

"You know when I said I didn't know anyone who specialized in using x-rays?" she brings it up again.

I nod, "Yeah?"

"I at least know someone who can fix one of your problems," she says.

"Who?" I ask.

She smiles, "Me."

She came at me like lightning grabbing the collar of my T-shirt and pulling me towards her. Her lips sparking against mine before becoming the soft tender wisps of clouds. Her right hand, releasing mine, came to touch my cheek as if it were cool drops of water sliding down my face. I gave myself completely to her, flowing through her fingers and mine trying to catch her.

And here I was, different than who I was before.