How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

11.

I found myself having the hardest time sleeping that night. I had been awake for so long, but I couldn't close my eyes. My mind was still sharp, and now I was starting to blame all of this on the jet lag.

I'm all curled up on Jack's couch with two blankets and a pillow. All I can hear is the creaking from the wind that started to pick up outside in the last hour or so. In some ways, that sound reminded me of my house. It probably wasn't as old as this one, but the noises sounded familiar.

Everything was pounding inside my head. My thoughts buzzing without control, and all I could do was get up and go to the washroom.

It didn't really surprise me that the washroom was old and rusty around the corners. It reflected every other part of the house.

Anyways, I stood in front of the sink and the mirror that hung above it. I watched every move I was making. It felt like I was looking at someone who wasn't me. The person in the mirror may have looked like me, but I couldn't recognize myself anymore.

The Claire everyone knew would never be standing here. The Claire everyone knew would be smart and in school, but I couldn't tell if they ever even knew the real me. I couldn't tell if I even knew myself.

The person I'm looking at now feels as if she's finally realized there's so much she's missed. She may have had friends back home and been quite the talker, but she was really just stuck in a never-ending loop.

I knew I had to be quiet, but I had to hear myself say it.

I look myself in the eyes, "Who are you?"

Somehow, I finally ended up falling asleep. I have no idea at what time that was, but I felt tired at some point.

And unfortunately for me, my slumber didn't feel like it lasted too long.

I wasn't uncomfortable and I wasn't having some crazy nightmare. The slow drip of water on to my face is what did it. It was cold and I was sure that the drops were coming faster and faster as the seconds went on.

I should have opened my eyes long before this, but I only found the strength to do it now.

It was hard to keep focus on the ceiling when these drops keep falling.

Move dummy!

I guess in some aspects I wasn't as smart as I thought I was. My reflexes were clearly one of my lower points.

"Oh shit!" I hear Jack say as he opens his bedroom door, to see what was happening.

Quickly, I see him jump over the couch and into the kitchen. He frantically searches his cupboards to find something. I assumed a large bowl. Eventually, he found one in the last cupboard on the right, but not before the door swung off its hinges as he opened it.

"Of course this breaks off too," he says somewhat discouraged, but angry at the same time.

Since I was finally sitting up, I took it upon myself to go to him and take the bowl as he tried to figure out what to do with the cupboard door.

I placed it on his old leather couch and you could now hear the drops hit the thin metal of the bowl's sides.

"I'm really sorry about all this," Jack says, not wanting to meet my gaze. "This place is just so old. It's kind of falling apart."

"You don't need to apologize," I tell him. "I understand."

He still seemed down from all of this, and I don't know what came over me, but I softly laid my hand on his left arm as I walked back to him.