How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

How To Not Be A Completely Awkward Human.

I'm at another point in my life where it's probably best to take my own advice. The question is, will I follow through with it? Knowing me, most likely not, but it never hurts to at least try.

Now, if I don't start doing what I tell myself, I'm going to be that potato child who doesn't know how to communicate with the world. Not like I was anything but that already.

So advice column... How do I start this? Especially when there's this beautiful tall man standing in front of me. He makes me feel something. Butterflies... But I don't even know him, maybe it's just my animal instincts. Then again, I'm already a potato as I said before. Or maybe Flint is right, I'm a flamingo. In that case, I would be an animal.

Anyways, enough rambling in your own head.

How To Not Be A Completely Awkward Human.

Step 1.

Do as any other human would do and start by saying hi.

Obviously, this isn't the direction we want to go in, because we did say a few days ago that we were minimizing the chance of meeting an incredibly hot stranger.

Unfortunately for us, we've somehow been able to do what we didn't want to happen in the first place.

Step 2.

Wait for the stranger with the shaggy chestnut hair, that you kind of dig because it suits him quite nicely, to say hi.

This still isn't really what we want, but it's not that bad. You're just being nice, right?

You know your parents raised you to be nice to people and you could actually use this guy's help. Because if you haven't noticed, you were completely lost and defeated a few minutes ago when you weren't able to get a room at this beautiful hotel.

Step 3.

When both of you don't say anything for a few moments, it's time for someone to break the ice.

This is the part where you decide how much you want to tell this person about yourself. Because, what if this guy turns out to be some insane maniac who kidnaps you in the next few minutes.

He doesn't really seem like the type of guy who would do that though.

But back to breaking bread, or ice, or whatever, you should say something. Literally anything. It can be anything your amazing little mind can conjure.

Step 4.

When you say hi again, internally slap yourself across the face. You could've said almost anything, but you said hi.

Maybe next time, give yourself more thought out instructions.

Perhaps you should just script your mind into outputting the phrase "It's a beautiful day we are having."

Step 5.

Realize that your scripted line doesn't really work with the particular conversation at hand. Or maybe it does work for you because you're not standing in front of this handsome guy.

Also, his gray T-shirt has some sweat stains. He's probably working.

But you know what, it's kind of cute, cause you're matching. Yep, just like him, you're wearing a gray T-shirt. You would have probably been sweating too if you weren't so cold.

It's not really a beautiful day anymore.

Step 6.

Back on course, this guy says hi back to you again.

You say sorry for repeating your horrendous introduction and you give this kind of little laugh. You can't really tell if it was forced or genuine, but he laughs along too.

Step 7.

This time, you wait for him to start talking, cause you're still an awkward human being.