How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

How to not be the annoying person at a Hotel.

A few minutes ago I was just an ordinary hotel guest, but like any other thing I do, I've become exactly what I feared.

Advice column, I've managed to turn in to the one person no one ever wants to have as a neighbour in a hotel. So let me explain to you what happened.

Well, you know that deep rich-voiced singer living in the room beside me? Let's just say I've turned his song into a duet. I really didn't mean to, but the words just kind of slipped out a lot louder then I wanted. It's Abba and who doesn't know the words to The Winner Takes it All. I can't help but admit that I've probably had a few too many karaoke sessions all alone in my room. 

So how do I fix the predicament I have put myself in, well I'm about to tell you.

This is...

How to not be the annoying person at a Hotel.

Step 1.

You've just made a complete fool of yourself and now you need to rectify the situation.

Let's start with doing absolutely nothing. Just wait and see if you can hear anything coming from the room beside you.

All I can hear is a shuffle, maybe from the person readjusting themselves, or in the worst case they actually heard my unappealing voice and wanted to figure out where it's coming from.

Step 2.

If the first option just happens to be the circumstance that you are in, you hopefully have nothing to worry about.

However, if you're like me and the walls of your room are paper thin, you better start thinking of something fast.

You remember when I talked about writing a letter to your family back in How to get started just in case you know... you die. Be prepared for them to actually read it because you might just collapse when the person in the other room says "Hello?".

Shit...

Step 3!

So, so, so, think even quicker now!

Umm...

Okay...

Uh, pretend you're sleeping! Yeah, that's a good idea!

At the end of the day you might have entirely embarrassed yourself, but there's probably a small chance this mystery person could fall for your brilliantly horrible plan. 

The only thing that could make it all even worse is if they decide to knock on your bedroom door.

Step 4.

Don't move a muscle, they can probably smell the fear radiating off of you. Hide under the covers of your blankets if you must and pretend you're a terrified child in a horror movie, cause you're pretty much in one now. One where the monster on the other side of the door is most likely some really hot guy, but that's just an assumption based on their singing. I could be completely wrong. Really, you shouldn't be listening to me.

Step 5.

Take a second to let everything out once you can hear footsteps walking away from your room.

You survived! Congrats!

Step 6.

Actually, wonder why the hell anyone would ever take your advice. It's really terrible, but thank god no one will ever read it.