How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

6.

As soon as I set foot past the two glass sliding doors of the airport, I knew there was no turning back. I was going to do it. I was going to get on that plane and fly across an ocean to somehow have the time of my life. I also hoped that I would get to try that chocolate ice cream Chase kept talking about.

I could really use some ice cream, right now. 

"Miss?" I hear someone beside me say.

I peered to my left and saw a short woman wearing a uniform, I assumed for a certain airline. She looked at me with one raised eyebrow and her mouth slightly open.

"Are you okay?" she asks. "You looked like you were hyperventilating and staring off into... who knows where."

My eyes still felt like they were in that same position, but I managed to nod in her direction.

"Okay that's good," she says calmer than before.

This lady was nice enough to point me on the right path towards where I needed to be. 

I couldn't have been any more awkward. Then on second guess, there's probably a million other things I could have done that were weirder than this. For example: drooling or even passing out. 

I need to work on not externally freaking out. It's not a good look.

After walking for just a few minutes, I found myself in line for security. I should really just say that I basically walked through security. It was still so early that there was almost no one. 

Of course, the first thing I'm faced with, once through, is a Timmies. Now when thinking of Tim Hortons, it's probably the one thing that a lot of people associate with Canada. Our double-doubles are probably only overpowered by our love for maple syrup. 

Trust me, the love is real.

There was no way I was going to pass up on the opportunity to eat my favourite donut the Honey Cruller. It's so sweet and fluffy, I don't understand how anyone could hate it.

It's kind of my mission to make everyone fall head over heels for my favourite donut.

As expected, I sat at my gate waiting for the moment when I would be called to board the plane. I looked down at my ticket, checking the departure time. 8:30 am. 

I searched my surroundings, looking for a clock or a TV, literally anything that told time. Luckily, I found hope in the screen eight feet from me.

How is it only 5:30 in the morning!

It had already felt as if the time was far beyond that, but here I am with no sense of time.

Seconds later, like some big revelation, I realized that I could have just looked at my cellphone that was currently sitting in my coat pocket.

It's too early for this...

Seeing as I was the only person sitting on the chairs near my gate, I took it upon myself to lay out and cover almost the whole row. It was a small row, so it was only like six, seven seats.

I stared up at the iron beams that held up the roof. At least I think that's what they're doing. They could be just for aesthetic, for all I know, but they're big, grey and bulky.  It really takes up all your attention when looking around. If the beams could talk, they would probably be yelling at you to notice them, even if you noticed them as soon as you walked in. They're pretty much the Regina George of the airport.

Somehow I find myself being woken up by a loud voice over an intercom.

"Last call for flight 709 to Ireland!" it says.

Holly shit!

I jump up as fast as I can and run to a desk clerk that checks me in quickly. They were all smiles and I wondered how they could be so awake at a quarter past eight o'clock in the morning.

I can't believe I almost missed my flight.

This is the point of the story where I would be shoving my face into my open hands, and of course, that's exactly what I do.

Pondering all my life choices, I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing anymore. I was second guessing myself and I know this won't be the last time I ever do this. There's not a free second of my life where I won't be questioning even the smallest of choices. I guess it's just the kind of person that I am.

While I'm freaking out about my decisions, I can't help but think whether Flint was regretting suggesting this adventure in the first place. And now I'm worried about him.

All these little scenarios were playing in my head, and for a split second, I felt that I could just completely shut down. How could I be this scared? 

Is this normal?

"Are you going out of your mind too, because you're running away from all your problems?" I hear this woman say from behind me.

She seemed to be out of breath, probably from running. Her jean jacket was off one of her shoulders and she was quickly trying to swing her backpack Back on. Then I noticed her hair. It was a straight bob coloured red. She wouldn't have been more than a couple years older than me.

"Uhh..." was all I managed.

"I'm just joking with you." she pats me on the back, before getting in front of me and making her way towards the plane door.

Wow.

I found it so weird how this girl could just make me forget all my thoughts all of a sudden. She probably just caught me off guard and I lost focus on whatever I was thinking.

Now I'm faced with taking a step onto the plane, I do it. And, I take a deep breath.

"Welcome aboard," a stewardess says as she makes this open-handed gesture towards the rows of seats.

I was the last one on and I tried to make my way to my seat as fast as possible, but it still felt as if it took me forever.

Quickly, I look at my ticket. Row 26, seat B. I can see it.

Once there, I place my bag in the overhead bin and close it.

This is it.

I take my seat and I buckle myself in.

This isn't the first time I've ever flown, it's just the first time I've ever done it alone.

There's always a first time for everything.

I feel this little tap on my shoulder, so I look to my right.

I couldn't help but smile.