How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

36.

I let go of the pen in my hand reflecting on what I had just written in that stupid journal. It didn't make sense to me that I was still writing in it. I had almost forgotten about it, yet tripping over it somehow brought me back to this new habit.

In high school, on numerous occasions, I picked one up trying to get myself to write about my day, but I can't remember what always stopped me. Maybe I felt like I would be judged, or maybe I was scared to have all my secrets read out loud. I guess that's why I never wrote them down, but I can't even recall anything I wrote. In my mind, I feel that it probably had to do with Karmen running after Chase trying to get him to test lipsticks for her.

I don't think I've given Karmen much of a thought in a while. On the inside, I was so mad at her, but I don't know why. I shouldn't be. I shouldn't even be sitting here thinking about this. I really should be by her side getting into all the trouble. I just... wonder if we're still as close as we used to be. I'm scared to ask her.

Tilting my head back and staring at the pebbled ceiling in Chase's bedroom, I finally decide to lug myself back up to my feet. Sloppily, I try to shove everything that pooled out of my bag back into its crevasses.

"Looks like you've made a mess," I hear from the direction of the door.

I lift my head to see Tess fluffing her hair in a washed out towel, leaving streaks of water on the shoulders of her white T-shirt.

"Yeah," I reply trying to move my hair out of my face.

I finish my tasks by stuffing my last sock back into the bag and I toss it on to the corner of the bed watching it bounce just slightly.

"So what are you planning on doing today?" she asks scrunching up her towel in her hands.

I grin awkwardly, not sure what to tell her, "I'm not sure."

We just stand there not saying anything. I wondered if she felt this weird tension I was feeling. Trying to find something to say, but blanking out on any word that pops into my head. Plans? Umm, loneliness? Turning in to stone and never doing anything again? Oh yeah, you're also really pretty even if you did just get out of the shower a couple of minutes ago. Also, not to mention that you just threw a party at your parents' house. Hopefully, nothing is broken, but then I somehow just remembered that we clearly heard glass shatter. It was probably a mess to clean up. I really should have stayed and helped. I'm sorry.

About ten percent of that was probably something that would have made a great conversation, but my mouth is still closed shut and she stills isn't saying anything either. And, we're still standing here, not moving.

"Don't you two look adorably lost," we hear clapped from the end of the hallway, leading to the living room.

Tess turns around and I look behind her. Chase is standing there with his hands together curled near his cheek and he's got the biggest smile on his face.

"You two are my new OTP," he says whimsically.

Tess snorts at the comment, and I try to laugh it off.

Yeah, I kind of like her, but I think Chase is getting ahead of himself. We just met less than a day ago and I don't really know her, but I want to.

"Come on!" he shouts blatantly, "We need to get out of here."

I was about to ask where we were going, but Tess took the words right out of my mouth.

"And go where?" she questions, her right eyebrow raised.

Chase shakes his hair as he rolls his eyes, "I don't know, but it's going to be great."

"Yeah, okay, but what should I be wearing?" she goes on, "Like, are we going somewhere fancy?"

"No, no, you're fine," he replies waving his hand away.

"Can I at least get changed?" I butt in, raising my hand as if I were in school. "I'm still in the same clothes that I wore yesterday, and so are you." I lazily point to his dirty clothes, which I was pretty certain had a puke stain on them.

"Yep," he says swaying back and forth on his feet, brushing off his sleeve, "Changing would definitely be a good idea."

We take ten minutes to get ourselves sorted. The first thing that I do, while staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, is to pull my hair back into a ponytail and only get slapped by my elastic once. This only then proceeded by battling it out with my jeans, trying to get them on without falling. I wasn't bothered with picking out the greatest shirt I owned, so I simply pulled on my pig wool knit sweater to keep me from the cold outside.

I opened the door back up to find Chase holding my coat, still with the smile on his face.

"Here, put this on!" he says, unexcitingly throwing my coat at my face.

My reaction at first was to flinch, taking the brute force of the impact with my upper body, but I put it on as he said to do.

"Your shoes are at the front door," he continues hurriedly.

I look down towards the direction of the door and Tess is already there ready to go.

"Hey," she waves.

I look back to Chase who looks as if he's about to jump out of his boots.

"You seem really excited," I mention.

"Oh I am!" he replies, grabbing me by the hand to drag me along to the front.

Quickly, I strap on my shoes and I'm almost left running after him with Tess following right behind me.

We all get into his car and clasp our seatbelts simultaneously. I'm sitting in the front passenger seat and Tess is in the back just over Chase's shoulder.

"So, are you going to tell us where we're really going?" she asks while holding on the back of his seat.

"Let's just say it my favourite place," he tells us.

"Oh, god..." Tess says slouching her head into her hands.

Chase turns to me, placing his right hand on my arm, "It's great! You'll love it!"