How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

How To Fix A Roof.

I'm not sure if you've really noticed, but this advice column isn't really made to give you tips and tricks on how to fix the thing that keeps you dry at night. Not only that but if you've ended up in the same spot as me, you'll know that the roof isn't really keeping you dry anymore. I guess that's why I'm writing all of this down.

You know when people say that it couldn't get any worse, well that's sort of what I need to hear right now. Mostly because I know there's at least one thing that could make this much worse.

THE ROOF COULD CAVE IN!!!

So you know... We can't let that happen.

I don't plan on this being the end of me.

How To Fix A Roof.

Step1.

It's really important that you aren't alone.

So get your somewhat mysterious stranger, who's really more like a friend at this point, and get him to walk you through the steps of how you are going to conquer this problem that's got you both in a pickle.

Step 2.

Make sure your stranger friend is an expert at fixing roofs. It's something that should probably be discussed before you end up being the only person up there.

I, unfortunately, did not have this talk with my new buddy, and guess what? We're both kind of starting to get cold because he has no freaking clue of what to do.

Step 3.

Re-evaluate your situation and figure out a plan of how to go about fixing the situation.

And now you're actually ready, in a way, to start attacking the problem.

Step 4.

First things first, locate the location on the roof where the leak has occurred.

To do this, try to map out the layout of the house by looking at the shape of the roof. That shouldn't be too hard. You should be able to remember where the leak came through on the ceiling. That's probably a good place look.

Step 5.

Congratulations! You've found the giant hole that's been letting all that water in.

Well shit... It looks pretty bad. A lot worse then what you had imagined.

Step 6.

Now you got to break the news to the homeowner that your not sure what to do anymore.

Handsome Jack was kind of defeated, but he had me describe everything I was seeing to him.

So, the hole was quite big at this point. Probably the size of the record player in his living room. Also, the wood that held up the rest of the roof, and myself, seemed to be falling apart as soon as you touched it.

Step 7.

Question whether you're in danger or not.

I've come to the conclusion that I should come down and that we call an actual expert to look at this situation.

Step 8.

That spotter of yours decides that the best idea for you to get down is to jump and he will catch you.

He can't be serious... but he is.

So do you do it?