How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

32.

So Chase wants to bring me to a party...

Parties are fun and all, but the last one I went to was a secret bachelorette party and it was an absolute disaster for me. It shouldn't be too hard to recall at this point, it still feels like it happened yesterday. I'm afraid it will never be a thing of the past...

I'm still standing in Chase's room almost frozen from the mention of the party. His gray plaid blanket didn't bring me any comfort, even if all I wanted to do was roll myself up in it and pretend I'm a burrito. I would do anything to not go right now.

Not to forget, I've never been to a university party before. Heck, I dropped out after one day!

I don't know what kind of etiquette you need for these kinds of things, but I'm sure I don't have a single ounce of it.

"Are you coming?" I hear Chase ask from the living room.

"Oh," I almost jump where I'm standing, "we're leaving now?"

"Yeah," he replies.

I make sure my cellphone is snuggly in my coat pocket and I join Chase back in the living room, where he's still ingrained with whatever is on his phone.

He inhales deeply as he says, "Ready to go?"

I nod and shove my hands in my pockets to protect them from the cold we would encounter outside.

Once down to the first floor and out the door, we make a run for his car. We watched as our breaths swept beside us grazing our cheeks with what warmth we could muster.

It had been just about ten minutes, but already the time of day had allowed the temperature to drop a couple of degrees.

I open the passenger side door, flinching at the touch of the freezing metal, and I plop myself down in the seat and pull the seatbelt across my lap and click it in place. Chase is already rubbing his hands together before he turns the key in the ignition.

With the putters of the engine, we finally set out to wherever this party is.

Somehow in the few minutes, we had been travelling my head had already started bobbing in and out of sleepiness.

You can't be that tired already! Claire, you were on a bus for five hours!

And I was, I'm not sure what kind of excuse would ever relieve me from this ever occurring dilemma. I'm tired, but I'm also not. I guess I just enjoy sleeping, and who doesn't.

"You better be awake," Chase nudges me.

"Wah-" I say wiping away whatever dreams I may have had, "I'm awake!"

I see Chase smirk out of the corner of my eye.

"What?" I question feeling like I've missed something.

"You're a great liar," he laughs sarcastically.

"I'm not lying," I say, "I really am awake."

"Well you are now," he says shaking his head, which allows his curls to sway around.

As we pull up to the curb, I inspect my surroundings.

The street we've parked on has this feeling of being absolutely vacant. No one has lights on, except for the wood panelled house a few paces down.

"Is that it?" I point towards the two-story house.

"Yep." Chase smiles, getting out of the car.

I follow seconds later, a little nervous about what to expect.

We walk side by side all the way to the front door and I almost thought it would be a good idea to hide behind him so that maybe I could just disappear into the shadows. Unfortunately, I had absolutely no time to put my plan into effect before Chase knocked on the door.

As soon as the door swung open, the brightest light I had seen in hours practically blinded my sight. Instantly I bring my arms up to cover my eyes, only to drop them seconds later, finally adjusting to the sudden change.

Dozens of people stood in front of us, they all went quiet and seemed to be waiting for something.

"Hey, guys!" Chase waves excitedly.

Straight away, everyone erupts into the loudest cheering I had ever heard.

I still didn't know what to do with myself and it didn't help that Chase walked right in, leaving me still standing on the front porch.

Come on, really?! I don't know who any of these people are, Chase.

"Well, don't just stand there!" someone says, pulling me by my arm and handing me a red solo cup.

"What is this?" I ask the stranger about this new drink in my hand.

"Beer, duh!" she says.

I had yet to even glance up at her, but she had already vanished into the horde of drunk twenty-year-olds.

Thanks... I guess.

I didn't know what to do with myself, so I aimlessly squeezed my way around the ground floor of whoever's house this is. I almost spilt my drink at one point, tripping on the corner of the couch with the wooden clawed feet, only to catch it before it caused any more harm. Or really, I should say, before I harmed someone. Although, it would have been quite the introduction if I had thought about it more.

Eventually wiggling my way out of that potential mess, I spotted the glass sliding doors that lead out to the backyard, through the very modern kitchen. It was the first time in a few minutes I was able to reach for open air in this stuffy house.

It was so hard to see the ground or literally anything in that house, because of all the people, flashing lights and loud music, so this quick escape was my only chance.

I took in a few breaths of the sharp brisk air, stinging the back of my throat as if it were turning it to ice.

Looking around, I spotted a few lights stringed across the trees from the forest that lined the yard. A few kegs laid around and people were making out up against any hard flat surface they could find.

I walked down the stones that covered the area near the barbeque and sat down on the wooden bench facing out to the wilderness.

I hadn't even taken a swig of my drink yet. I wasn't even having fun. Maybe I had outgrown that part of my life.

"What am I doing here?" I whisper to myself, slouching my head into my hands.

"Yeah, what are you doing here?" I hear blatantly asked from behind me.