Standing Together

Chapter 28

A/N updated 4 times. Make sure you start at chapter 25

Dean and Castiel go to bed early that night. It's amazing how tiring it is to move around a little bit when you're so used to just sitting on the couch all day. Castiel doesn't even ask to watch a movie that night, satisfied just going straight to sleep.

Castiel rests his head on Dean's chest, an arm thrown carelessly across his body. Dean holds him close, the steady rising and falling of his chest oddly comforting.

It's a few minutes later when Dean asks quietly, "Is it too late at night to have a serious conversation?"

"It's too late at night for me to have a serious conversation," Castiel murmurs.

"Can we have a one-sided serious conversation where I basically monologue and you just listen?" Dean asks. "Because that would work, too."

"Do you have to do it now?" Castiel asks, the final word almost getting lost in his yawn.

"No, but if you wouldn't mind, it'd probably make me feel better," Dean says. "If you want to wait until tomorrow so we can have some class participation, though, that's okay, too."

Castiel lets out a long breath, mentally debating whether it's worth it or not. After a pause, he asks, "Would I have to sit up for this?"

"No, I think I'd rather stare at the ceiling for this, anyway," Dean says, and Castiel can't quite tell if he's joking or not.

"Then I guess you're in luck, aren't you?" Castiel mumbles. "So, what's the serious conversation about?"

"I just —" Dean sighs. "I want to apologize for this morning."

"What?" Castiel's mind flashes back to their wake up call, the steamy game of foreplay with no real sex to follow it. He's going to apologize for that? Did he not enjoy it? Sure, Castiel's never done anything like it, but he didn't think it was bad at all. Maybe it's just because Dean's slept with so many people, he has so many other experiences to compare it to, and Castiel just wasn't that good. God, that's embarrassing.

"I know you don't want to have sex yet," Dean continues, which is not at all the direction Castiel expected him to take this in, "and I've been trying to respect that, because just 'cause I've never understand the hype about keeping your virginity or whatever, I know it's not my place to ask you to do something you're not comfortable with."

Castiel can tell he's struggling with this, picking his words carefully and trying to make it sound okay, which is slightly disconcerting, coming from someone as carefree as Dean. Just to lighten the mood a little bit, Castiel says, "Technically, you don't know if I've ever had sex before. Maybe I've had sex with a hundred guys in those four years you were in college. You don't know my sex life."

Dean chuckles softly. "No, I can tell, but nice try."

Okay, so maybe Castiel really did suck this morning. Well, that's awkward.

"But, basically, what I'm trying to say is," Dean continues, "I don't want to force you into doing anything you don't feel comfortable with. I pretty much knew going into this that... Well, that it would be like this, and I've tried to make peace with that." Dean runs a hand down his face, sounding exasperated with himself. "God, this is a really awkward monologue.

"Basically, I just want to apologize for this morning," Dean says. "I should have just accepted the 'no' and stopped, and I'm sorry if I made you do anything you didn't want to do. It's just that nobody turns me on like you do, and I haven't had sex in years because I've been with you the whole time, and I just... Yeah. You get it.

"And I don't mean that as an excuse because I know I should have stopped when you asked me to, regardless of how I felt, but I just wanted to kind of explain," Dean continues. "And I want you to know that if I ever get like that again, you have my full permission to slap me in the face."

"Dean, I'm not going to slap you in the face," Castiel says.

"No, probably not, because I'm going to try to respect your feelings and not try to push you to do something you don't want to," Dean says. "Then you won't need to slap me, and we're both more comfortable. Did that all make sense? I feel like it just sounded like random words thrown into a clump. Do you get what I'm trying to say? Preferably more than just the 'slap me in the face' part?"

Castiel chuckles softly, wrapping his arms around his fiancé a little tighter. "Yes, I understand more than just the 'slap you in the face' part. I kind of feel like I should be thanking you for apologizing, even though I'm pretty sure that's not proper apology etiquette. I had fun this morning, but the fact that you felt so bad that you're apologizing for it at ten o'clock at night is kind of reassuring. So, basically, thank you for apologizing, I accept your apology, thank you for being a big ole softly, and I love you."

"And you're not just saying you had fun to make me feel better, right?" Dean asks.

"No, I'm saying it because it's true," Castiel says. "I don't know if I'm in a rush to do it again, but yeah, I had fun." He presses a kiss to his fiancé's cheek. "It was a great birthday present."