Letting Go

chapter 13

Two days, 48hours since the sleepover at Hayden's place. He tried to call me after I left his place and I have been avoiding his calls since, even his texts are left unread I'm my phone.

Monica called when I got home asking if I'm back, she said Hayden told Jamie that I was not answering his calls so he wanted to know if I got home safely. It warmed my heart to know that despite me leaving the way I did he still cared. I kept asking myself if I was overreacting by not answering his calls, but I heard a voice shouting in my he saying I did well.

I must say that for a little time that I spent with him I felt lighter, something that I have not felt his Lily's death, but I knew that I can't be with him. What kind of friend would that make me, I feel bad just thinking about him.

"Hey Tori, sorry I'm late class took longer" says Monica sitting down next to me in a coffee shop next to the campus. We meet here for lunch when our schedule is not hectic.

'Hey love, I thought you stood me up'

"Wouldn't dare" she keeps quiet for sometime and I can tell she wants to say something. "It's Lily's birthday today, is that the reason why you have been ignoring him?'

'My mind forgets Lily when I'm with him, I forgot her birthday and only remembered her when I heard the courier dropped my package at my old address' I tear up thinking of how easy it was to forget her.

"Hey, look at me. It's okay to move on even if it's with Hayden. You can stop living your life  Tori and no, you are not betraying her. I believe she would be happy to see you picking up the pieces and moving on" she covers my hand with hers.

I know what Mo is saying is probably the truth but my mind can stop fighting me on this, it's hellbent on betraying Lily if I move on, especially with Hayden.

'I ordered a few things from France for Lily, since she is no longer here the only person I can think of who will love them and deserves them is you. I want to give them to you for putting up with my shitty mood' I say wiping my tears and smiling at Mo.

She has been listening to my whining and making sure I'm okay. "I will be happy to have them friend, but are you sure you want to give them to me and not Lisa?"

'I am sure, and it's not Lisa's style or even close' Even though Lisa and Lily are sisters, they couldn't be more different.

"Alright. Speaking of birthdays..." I take a look at her, and I know by the puppy look that she is throwing my way that I am not going to like whatever comes out of her mouth.

'Yes?'

"Jamie and I decided to be official this past weekend and it's his birthday in two weeks. His sister and I are throwing him a small party and was hoping you could come celebrate with us" I think I know where she is going with this, Jamie equals two words Hayden Collins.

I want to say no so bad but that would be really cruel, in the last month not only did I become sort of friends with Hayden, but I also became close with Jamie.

'It's not like I have a say in this because you will make me do it at the end of the day. How big is this celebration?'

"Not big, we are going to invite only close friends. Maybe fifteen people, just something small"

'I am happy for you Mo, Jamie makes you happy and I must say I have never seen you so smitten'

.......................

After our talk at the coffee shop, Mo and I went to our different ways. I still had a lecture after two so I went to the library to prepare for the presentation my team and I had to do. Our presentation was cancelled due to Mrs Payne absence so I decided to go home.

When I got home I took my gym bag and headed to the gym in my apartment building. I have been neglecting myself for far too long. The gym was quiet at this time of the day, I started warming up before doing some sit ups.

I was at the gym for straight two hours. It was hard, but I told myself to keep going while music was softly playing in the background. I rush to my apartment to take a quick shower then prepare dinner.

I hear a knock at the front door and open the door to see a smilling Mo. I motion for her to come in as I walk to the kitchen to serve supper. I find Mo choosing a movie to watch so I  place her food on the coffee table and we dig in. After eating Mo washes the dishes saying I prepared supper so she will do the dishes.

When the dishes are done we sit down and she tells me what they are thinking of for Jamie's birthday party. Mo was not kidding when she said she wants something small.
The party is going to be held at Jamie's place. We continue to discuss the party till Mo changes the subject.

"You still haven't told me what really happened at Hayden's place"

'We kissed and I regretted it the next morning after I got a text from the tenants in my old apartment, and that led to us arguing about Lily and stuff'

"Okay..but I think Lily would want you to be happy. Lily is not here Tori, all she ever wanted was for us to be happy."

'I know, but it's hard. Speaking of Lily I have to go pick up that package this weekend. Yo are going to love it'

I know Mo is right but my heart is at war with my mind. I will go to this party and be civil with Hayden, but that's as far as I can go.

I go to bed with a heavy heart my mind overthinking everything.

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