Letting Go

chapter 43

You know how they say when you are having fun time runs? Well when you aren't it's the opposite, this week hours seem longer than usual. I am tired, and haven't been sleeping well these past days, the nightmares are back and here I was thinking they are gone. I'm thankful that makeup can cover almost everything, because it helped me cover my eye bags and I appeared to be just as great they know me to be.

I can't wait to sleep in on Saturday and just relax, but who is to say that I will manage to sleep? It's time I stop fooling myself and actually book a therapist, how will I cope if my mental and emotional state is such a mess. Just this week I have drank more coffee than I take in a month, just to stay awake at work.

The demons get out to attack me as soon as sleep overtakes me, then I left with the struggle to wake up and when I do I'm sweating and trying to make sense of what actually triggered them. The other day I tried sleeping on the couch, hoping I would sleep better, but it was of no use.

Each night it's the same nightmare, Lily lying in the pool of blood screaming at me and when I am about to tell her I'm sorry, it's like I get transported to a different place. I'm transported to the morning dad was over speeding after picking us up from mum. Noah asks him to slow down and from there my ears are ringing, glass is scattered everywhere and there's so much blood on my body, dad and Noah are unconscious and I scream.

The only difference in this nightmare is that sometimes Lily laughs an evil laugh instead of screaming, or the car Noah and I are in is driven my mum and not dad, but dad still ends up in the car somehow with blood oozing out of his mouth and ears.

This morning however, it's a different nightmare altogether. There's Lily and my parents all screaming that I'm selfish and don't deserve to be alive.

"You know Mo is right Victoria, you are selfish. I deserve Hayden not you, he deserves a woman who can handle him"

"I wish you were never born, not only are you ungrateful, but you keep making my life miserable."

"You are such a coward Victoria! Always running away from your problems. Like father like daughter I guess, if your daddy never ran he would be alive"

"Little Miss goody two shoes playing hard to get, Lily didn't waste my time hence I loved her not you!"

"You are selfish, all you do is take and take and keep on taking."

I finally wake up covered in sweet and tears, my body trembling, all my ears can hear is their venomous voices screaming at me. My heart is beating so fast, my breath shallow and throat closing up. I try to get hold of my emotions so I can do breathing exercises, but nothing seems to work. With shaky hands I take my phone and dial 911 before I feel like I am drowning in deep waters and I can't swim.

.....................

Noah's POV

I hear a phone vibrating in a distance, but I'm too exhausted to even lift my head. I ignore it hoping whoever is calling will get the hint and I am glad when the vibrating sound stops. I bring Hailey closer to me and snuggle closer only for the vibrating to start again.

"Answer your phone Noah." Says Hailey's grumpy voice.

If there's one thing my girlfriend hates is someone disturbing her beauty sleep. I untangle myself from her and take my phone  from the nightstand. It's unknown number, I am about to ignore it, but something tells me it might be important. Who can call at 3AM if it's not important.

'Hello, who's this?' comes out my rusty voice.

"Is this Mr Thompson?" The caller questions.

'Yes, this is he. How can I help you?' I hear sirens in the background and I'm already out of bed before they can explain why they are calling.