Letting Go

chapter 42

My heart is pounding so hard, I wouldn't be surprised if Hayden cam hear it, it's as though it will jump out of my chest. My hands are sweaty and trembling, love is one of the strongest emotion and I honestly don't know what to say to him. Do I love him?

He must have sent this text message after I went to bed because I read all the others, but didn't notice this one. What do I say to him without breaking his heart? I know I want to be with him, but I'm afraid I will end up hurting him like my mum did my dad. What if through and through I am my mother's daughter?

Hayden comes closer and seats next to me on the couch, his eyes almost sparkling, a clear sign he is happy this is all out in the open.

"I was planning to tell you in a more romantic way that I love you."

"But, it seems like drunk me had a better idea." He continues with a small love.

'I don't know what to say.' I tell him honestly.

"You don't have to say anything love. I have loved you for over six years so I guess you still need to catch up." He says knocking the air out of my lungs.

"Victoria!" He pulls me closer. "Breath baby, I didn't mean to scare you off."

It's not the first time Hayden has said something similar to what he has just said. I didn't take it to heart at first, thinking he is just playing around, but I'm starting to think there's more truth in his words than I thought.

'What do you mean you have loved me for over six years?' I ask him, looking into his grey eyes.

"As you know, when you bumped into me that morning I was still pretty much grieving and being an ass towards everyone. Something changed since that morning, your scent and calm demeanor made me want to be more in your presence."

'I don't think I understand.' I tell him.

"Everyone didn't even want to be five feet near me during that time, and instead of running off like most had done. You helped me pick up things I had dropped."

'Duh! It was my fault they fell in the first place.'

"Not entirely, you weren't afraid of me and that pulled some string inside my chest. I stopped picking up books simply because I had to see you, then you apologized and gave me the biggest smile before you ran to class." He pauses and kisses my forehead.

"I wanted to kiss your pink lips so bad, and I thought I'm getting crazy. Days after that, I would watch you at school, living as though you had no worry in the world. I stopped sleeping around, I stopped skipping school just so I could see you each day and before I know it no other girl mattered, but you." He says in closing.

I still don't think I understand him, how could he say he loved me from just a single glance and smile from me? The following year he went to college and never saw me afterwards. As though reading my mind he says;

"When I got to college, I tried dating but was never in love with anyone. All I could see and smell was your face and scent. During holidays, I often went to your neighborhood hoping to see you and I never did. So after my second year I stopped stalking you, realizing how crazy I was."

I take in everything he just told me and to my surprise I'm not freaked out by his confession.

"I have never loved anyone besides you, believe me I tried." He says pulling me on his lap kissing me passionately and I kiss him back.

'What about breakfast?' I ask in between kisses.

"That can wait, right now you are my breakfast. Now stop talking and let me kiss you love."