Letting Go

chapter 18

This chapter is dedicated to Tejadurai_02 for the beautiful cover😍

Hayden picks me up bridal style going up to his room upstairs. He puts me ever so slightly on his bed. I don't know where the boldness comes from, but I take off his shirt kissing his strong warm chest.

Hayden takes off my tee and places soft kisses on my chest between my breasts.
I didn't know I would feel like I'm on fire from small kisses like these.We make out for some time, Hayden leaving small kisses on my neck. I close my eyes feeling my breath picking up, one of his hands pinches my nipple through my bra making me moan.

Just as he is about to unbutton my jeans I stop him, and retreats his hand. "I'm sorry, I should have asked first before trying to take things further" he says looking remorseful.

'It's okay, things escalated too fast' I get up and adjust my clothes. 'May I please use your bathroom?'

"Yeah, go ahead" he mumbles making me believe that he is angry. Who wouldn't, I literally let the guy on then chickened out.

I look at myself in the mirror and I look high, my eyes are dilated and my face looks so flushed. What are you doing Victoria?

I wash my face with cold water to try bring back some normalcy to my face and whole body. I have never felt so hot and it's freaking winter for goodness sake. I get out of the bathroom and find the room empty. Hayden must be downstairs.

..................

When I get downstairs I find Hade in the living room going through his phone. He looks up when he sees me coming his way, "I'm sorry for what happened upstairs"

'You don't have to apologize Hade, I shouldn't have let you think I'm ready for that. Honestly I don't think I will ever be ready, Lily and you wer-"

"There is no Lily and I Victoria" He shouts

"Lily is dead and I'm sorry, but will you stop living because she is not here?" He adds breathing heavily.

'You don't understand'

"Make me understand then, what is so wrong with being with me?" He gets up and takes a bottle of water from the fridge.

'You were Lily's boyfriend, she was so happy with you and each time she talked of you I could see how much she liked you. How do I move on with you, knowing my best friend loved you' I say with a heavy heart.

Hayden sits down and looks at me with a frown. "How much did Lily tell you about us?"

I sit down a few seats from him. 'Pretty much everything, you guys didn't date for a long time.'

"If you know everything then you know that Lily and I were not serious, we met at a mutual friend's party and hooked up later on.

We exchanged numbers and decided to hook up, more like friends with benefits. I didn't think who she was until Jamie reminded me who she was two weeks later.

'How come you did not remember Lily, I mean she was popular from freshman year and you were in football with her brother' I say dumbfounded.

"Why is it hard to believe that I did not remember her, I have never been much into popular girls since high school. I only remember Lillian because she was always with you. You I did remember but her, not so much" he grins making me frown.

I can count the number of times I spoke to Hayden in high school, twice and both times he only talked to me because he wanted something from Liam and Lily was not around to help him. So it does not make sense at all.