We Were Free

Chapter 26

After a week of Jake being sober he wasn't as easily agitated, although he did raise his voice at me a few times.

We talked one night and he asked me since he wasn't doing drugs, if he could drink to feel something and I let him. I told him he couldn't drink every day and constantly, but that he could every now and then.

He drank the night we talked about it and got completely trashed. He was slurring his words so bad that I could barely understand what he was trying to say. I was just watching tv and he climbed on top of me and kissed my cheek over and over.

"Blaire." He slurred and manages to be the only thing I understood come out of his mouth.

"I have no idea what you're trying to tell me." I said and he gave me a goofy smile and kissed me.

"What are you saying?" I asked.

"Pregnant." He managed out and I cupped his cheek and cocked an eyebrow.

"I want to get you pregnant." He said and I chuckled.

"We're going to try more again once you're okay." I said.

"Mmm-no. I want to get you pregnant now." He slurred and I laughed at him. He smiled widely again and he clashed his lips to mine. It made me happy, but it also made me upset. It was the first time he was being cute and nice to me since he was sober... and he wasn't even sober.

"Can we try right now?" He asked.

"No. You're really drunk." I said and he kissed me again. I could literally taste the alcohol on his lips. He pulled away from me and went to grab the bottle and I stopped him.

"That's enough. You're going to get sick as it is." I said.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked and tilted his head to the side.

"Yes." I said. He didn't even put up a fight about not drinking anymore. He didn't even care. Thank god.

"I didn't want Blaire to know this-but you're going to know now because I want to talk to you about it because I trust you." He slurred and he sat next to me and he cupped my cheek.

"I've been thinking about a lot all week-" he paused and he smiled weakly.

"I haven't been in the best thoughts. I've thought about not waking up ever again. I didn't want to scare Blaire by telling her that. I feel better when I'm not sober. I feel like I'm going to hurt her or myself when I'm sober." He slurred and my eyes softened.

"Jake-you can tell me that. I want to know that." I said.

"I want to be sober but I don't like it." He said and I ran my fingers through his hair.

"And I'm such a dick to her. I don't deserve her." He said. He was talking like he wasn't talking to me and I don't even think he realized who he was with.

"I love you so much. I want you to wake up every morning next to me and I want you to be happy. I want us to raise babies in the happiest homes ever and have a love like no other." I said and he nodded.

"I know. I want that too. I just sometimes think there's something wrong with me. I don't know why I am the way I am. It makes me sad." He said and I brushed my thumb across his cheek.

"I'll make sure you get all the help and happiness you need. You don't deserve to be sad. You're one of the most down to earth people in the world." I said and he kissed me.

"Can I talk to you again?" He asked and I nodded.

"I love you so much." He said and I chuckled.