We Were Free

Chapter 62

I was laying in my bed and I was completely numb. I couldn't cry anymore, and I was trying to sleep but every time I would start to sleep, I would wake up with my heart racing minutes later and try to hold Jake... except no one was ever next to me when I needed someone to hold me.

I heard my front door open and close downstairs and I thought I was dreaming or hallucinating from lack of sleep, but brad stood in the doorway of my bedroom and he was out of breath.

"What's wrong? Why are you here?" I asked.

"Nothing-I just ran from outside up the steps-I know it's late but I wanted to know if you needed anything. I was on my way back home and wanted to stop in and check on you. Especially after what you said earlier." He said.

"I'm fine. Thank you though." I said and he nodded slowly.

"Do you want water?" He asked and I shook my head and motioned to a bottle of it on my nightstand. Jakes nightstand still had the water he last drank and his wallet sitting on it. I refused to move or touch anything he had left in my room or anywhere around my house. Even the shirt of his on my floor. I slept with his side of the bed open and I used the smell of him on my sheets and pillow a way to cope I guess. It just made me never want to sleep because I always wanted to be smelling him.

"Do you need someone to lay with you?" He asked and I looked up at him. I did. Really bad, not sexually at all. I just needed someone's arms around me telling me it would be okay. My parents hadn't even visited and the only one who checked up on me were his brother and sister.

"Can we sleep in the guest room downstairs? My bed smells like Jake and I don't want it to go away." I said and he nodded.

"Yeah." He said and I got up.

"I don't want this to be in a sexual way or anything-I just really need someone to lay next to me." I said.

"I will. I don't have anywhere to be tonight or work tomorrow." He smiled weakly and I nodded. We went into the guest bedroom and he took his uniform off. He stripped down to an undershirt and boxers. Brad had the same body type as Jake without the uniform. He was lean and muscular. Jake had a perfect body. I laid down and slept where Jake normally slept on the guest bed. It faintly smelt like him, and I had to somehow ignore the fact that the argument that caused everything happened in the room we were in. Brad laid down next to me and he was unsure of if and how I wanted to be held. I turned on my side and faced him, but nuzzled into his chest and he wrapped his arm around me.

"Is that alright?" He asked and I moved his hand on my lower thigh and between my legs. As awkward as it may have been, that's how Jake held me at night and the only way I learned to be comfortable.

"He held you like this?" He asked and I nodded. He nuzzled into me more and I kissed his neck softly. That's all I wanted. I didn't even realize I kissed his neck either. I treated him like he was Jake.

* * *

I woke up the next morning and brad was still holding me. He was sleeping still and I looked at the clock and saw it was 11am.

"Brad-wake up." I said and I gently shook his shoulder. He slowly flickered his eyes opened and they landed on mine.

"Hm?" He asked sleepily.

"Wake up." I said and he nodded slowly. He let go of me and laid on his back and I wrapped my arm around him and rested my head on his chest.

"Thank you." I said.

"No problem." He said and he sat up.

"I should get going, Blaire." He said.

"You can stay. I can make breakfast." I said and he looked over at me and shook his head.