Trading Pieces of Sky [COMPLETED]

19

"Hello? Earth to Skylar?" Beckett called in annoyance.

"Huh?" I asked, avoiding his stare.

"I'll meet you in the main lobby at 4," he said waiting for me to respond.

Shit, I forgot. Our presentation is today.

I nodded and retreated back into my mind.

Fuck, I'm supposed to meet EJ today.

I felt like I was going to throw up, and the tension between Beckett and I was not helping. I left my desk and quickly headed to the bathroom to splash some water on my face.

Leaning over the sink, I took some deep breaths. All I could think about was digging into my skin to relieve the anger coursing through my veins. I needed to release it before I went insane.

I locked myself in one of the stalls and pushed my sleeve back so that I had access to my forearm. I dug my nails in and scratched with force until the skin broke. I dabbed it with a piece of toilet paper until the bleeding stopped and rolled my sleeve down.

I sighed and returned to class only to find that it was the next period and everyone had left.

"Skylar," Priya asked as she looked up from her computer, "everything okay?"

"Yep," I smiled before grabbing my bag and leaving the room.

At lunch, Elena and Cassidy gave me a pep talk about my presentation tonight. They were trying to get me to relax a little since it was obvious I was stressed out, they just didn't realize it was for other reasons.

When I finally made it to the hospital, Beckett was waiting for me in the lobby as he had said.

"Ready?" he sighed.

I nodded and followed him through the building to a large conference room. I read through my cue cards while he set up his laptop with the projection system.

People started to drift inside, including Beckett's dad who smiled widely at me, giving me a thumbs up.

Clearly, Beckett didn't discuss our breakup with his parents.

The nerves were beginning to take over making my palms sweat. When everyone had taken a seat around the long oval-shaped table, Beckett lowered the lights and welcomed everyone. I spent every ounce of my willpower maintaining my focus on the presentation so that I didn't disappoint Beckett, again.

When we finished, Beckett turned the lights on and smiled widely.

"Questions," he asked, pointing at the first person to raise their hand.

My phone suddenly began to vibrate in my pocket and I quickly moved to silence it as discreetly as possible.

"So, will this event be open to the public?" the woman that Beckett called on asked.

"Yes," Beckett nodded, "tickets will be available for purchase to the public."

I noticed a couple of uneasy expressions from our audience.

"Well, you'd have to make sure there was ample security," an older man spoke up.

"You're absolutely right, we will be coordinating with the campus security and local police to ensure that the event is secure," Beckett responded smoothly.

That seemed to appease those who were hesitant.

"Give us ten minutes to discuss," the woman at the head of the table asked.

"Of course," Beckett smiled motioning for me to leave with him.

We stepped into the hall and he let out a deep sigh, running a hand through his hair.

My phone was ringing again so I pulled it out to check the caller ID. It was my mom.

"Hello?" I answered, stepping a few feet away.

"Where the hell are you?" my mom shouted.

"I'm doing something for school, I'll be home soon," I answered in German, in case Beckett was eavesdropping.

"EJ is here. If you're not home in the next hour consider yourself kicked out!" she screeched.

"Mom! Please, it'll take me at least that long to get there. I'm all the way at the hospital," I pleaded.

"I don't care. You made a promise. You want to keep living here then you get your ass home," she commanded, hanging up the phone.

I hesitantly approached Beckett.

"I'm really sorry, but I have to go. There's an emergency at home," I said softly, avoiding his eyes.

"Whatever," he shrugged, shaking his head.

"I-" I didn't know what more to say so I simply turned around and sped-walked to the elevators.

I was out of breath from running when I entered the apartment. EJ was sitting at the table with my mom drinking a beer. Now that I was home, I moved as slowly as possible, dragging out the inevitable for as long as possible. I couldn't tell if I was sweating from running or from dread and nervousness.

"Can you take Waylin to the park or something?" I asked my mom who was laughing at something EJ had said.

She rolled her eyes and called out his name. He appeared in the hall a few moments later.

"Yeah?"

"Get your coat and shoes on, we're going for a walk," my mom said, standing up from the table.

Waylin looked at me in confusion.

"It's okay, baby," I nodded.

I waited by the door until they left. EJ beckoned for me and I took a deep breath as I slowly approached him. My heart was hammering against my chest and I kept reminding myself that I was doing this for Waylin.

He pulled me down so that I was straddling his hips in the kitchen table chair.

"Relax, mami," he said, "I know what I'm doing."

His hand brushed my cheek making me squirm with disgust. His breath was strong from the beer and it was all I could taste as he kissed me. I followed his instructions and closed my eyes so that I didn't have to see his face while he was pleasuring himself inside of me. When it was over and he gave me the money, he told me he would be back a few days to collect what I owed him. I disposed of the used condom and took a shower until the water ran cold.

The first time was the worst. Each time he came back it got easier to follow his instructions. I imagined that I was in someone else's body so that I could handle the aftermath. He never once mentioned the scars on my thighs, but I decided that it would be best if I kept my self harming to other concealable parts of my body for the time being.

It was becoming impossible not to harm. I needed it. When I woke up, when I was at school, when I came home, before bed...I was addicted. I felt myself becoming more and more like my mother and I couldn't stop it. With my savings gone, and my mom's drug habit continuing to get worse, the idea of going to college and taking custody of Waylin seemed impossible and frankly, naive and stupid.

Every day became a constant battle of faking a smile for everyone around me. For Waylin, for my friends, my teachers, even my mother. It was like walking on eggshells when she was around. I never knew if she was going to be high or not and if she would snap. I couldn't decide if she was better sober or intoxicated. Either way, it was exhausting trying to shelter Waylin from it all, and self-harming was my crutch.