All I see ✔️

CHAPTER 52

Alexis

It's been three days since we talked.

Talked is a loose word. It's been three days since Aaron ambushed me in the classroom. Three days since he left me picking up the pieces of the mess I created. 

Three days since Ellie has been badgering me about exactly what he said. Like now.

"I just want to know what he said to you."

"Nothing big, don't worry," I am catching up on Reign, so I am trying to be as immersed in it as I can be, but it's not working. Something feels off and the cherry on top is I cant stop thinking about Aaron and his green-green eyes.

"Lex, you've been stuck in your room for three days and only go out for classes," She picks up the purple cotton shorts from the back of the couch and adds it to her piling basket. Guess it's laundry day today.

I look at her dubiously, "I don't see anything wrong with that."

"Really? You do nothing except stuff your face and sleep in class and see nothing wrong with that?"

"I mean, it's not like it's illegal or something. I am harming no one for fuck's sake!" I cry.

I don't understand the point of dragging me out honestly. I am just sitting here, watching Reign, saving gas and lipsticks – both of which are pretty expensive if you ask me.

"Why can't I nurse my heartbreak?"

"Because you'll never heal that way," Ellie says softly and plops down on the couch, "Did you forget what happened to me?"

My frown disappears at the wounded expression on her face and I wrap my arms around her. I remember what she's talking about. I rub my arms up and down her arm. Before Ellie and Logan got together, she was sure they were both ruined beyond repair and I can't get the image of Logan's face crying down the staircase, out of my mind; Logan screaming at everyone to save her and threatening them and going down so deep a spiral I have no idea how he came out of it. He was so sure he would lose Ellie in his arms. 

I shudder at the thought, "Ellie it wont happen to me."

"How do you know that?" She shrieks, "I need you to get out of the house and sulk and just basically do something. Anything!"

I look down at my lap and my eyes are burning, "I don't know what to do Ellie. I don't know how to tell him."

Now it's her turn to wrap her arms around me and I lean into her touch. I want Aaron back and it's a burning ache inside me, all the time and I just want to get it over with. It's not like he can do anything worse than what I already did.

"Oh Alexis," She's rubbing circles down my back, "I think the best thing you can do is to just tell him outright you know? Rip off the band aid?"

"What if he hates me?" I whisper, as a hot tear slides down my cheek.

Every cell inside me is bound by this tight rope of fear that Aaron would hate me if I tell him. He'd regret ever talking to me in the first place, the girl his father warned him against- I think bitterly. And all of this if he believes I am saying the truth. Why should he? I mean, according to him I could be in on this with my Dad and I won't blame him for thinking this way.

"Oh honey," Ellie says, "I don't think he could ever hate you. I am pretty sure he's in love with you."

"What?" I suspected it but hearing it from someone else still washes over me like ice water.

"Of course," she snorts, "haven't you seen the way he looks at you?"

"It's nothing like that."

"Yeah it's nothing like that and that's why he goes unhinged when you tell him you're dumping his ass."

I flinch at her words unknowingly and she notices it. Her eyes turning a deep shade of sympathy, "Lex, I am sorry. All I am saying is he'd understand no matter what, because he loves you."

"What if he doesn't?" I say, the worry in my voice reaching a fever pitch, "What if he's only acting this way because his ego is bruised?"

Ellie gives a short laugh, "I know it's easier to blame stuff on the stupid male ego, but I am pretty sure he is in love with you. Everyone can see he is in love with you."

"I don't deserve him."

"Oh Lex, it's not like that."

"I don't," I insist, "he shouldn't- he shouldn't-"

"He shouldn't what? Shouldn't have talked to you? Don't be serious right now, Alexis."

The thing is I am scared, I am terrified of how disappointed or mad or just downright crushed he'd be if he finds out I did all this because I couldn't stand up to my daddy. I got a glimpse of his reaction way before when I scrambled out of the couch thinking it's my dad. I saw the flash in his eyes and seeing it again but manifold would stomp out the little life I have inside my heart. I cant look him in the eyes and tell him that I could do nothing when my own father used me as a puppet. It would absolutely destroy him.

I lean my head against the couch and close my eyes, making sure I don't breathe hard enough to shatter my insides, "I shouldn't have talked to him that day at Cherries."

"Then you wouldn't be so in love either."

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