A Force Of Gravity✅

60

-Will- Present-

"Let me tell you, no one ever got my soul right like she could
Give my heart, play my part in this deal with the darknesses
I know, I know."
-Dancing Under Red Skies By Dermot Kennedy

I don't have a car or money so I am forced to walk to the nearest field and flop down in the middle. Looking up at the stars, I'm filled with an empty numbness but I welcome it with open arms. This is better than the fear and pain and worry.

This is something I do with Rose. She is the one that knows facts about stars and loves watching them. The reminder pains me. If I focus hard enough, I can almost smell her vanilla shampoo. I can almost feel her warm palm against my chest and the tickle of her hair brushing my skin.

I want it so fucking badly but I look down, searching for Rose and she isn't there. If she dies, I don't know what I will do. It's not possible to love another person the same way I love Rose. As if I was built to love her. I love her so much that it hurts.

"You have an obsession with fields, especially muddy ones that ruin my expensive shoes." Ben grumbles as he lies beside me. I ignore him, fixated on the sky. I don't have it in me to be angry at him anymore and I can't remember why I was angry at him in the first place.

"I didn't ask you to come here. You could have stayed at the hospital and saved the destruction of your shoes." I mumble half heartedly. Silence stretches between us for a long moment.

"I'm angry at him too. My father, our father." Ben tells me, his voice quiet and unsure. Surprisingly, this brings me the comfort of knowing that I'm not alone.

"He isn't my father." I bite back and it's the truth. He never raised me or fought for me. The only thing that connects us is DNA. "Maybe biologically but he isn't. Neither is Nicholas."

"But I am your brother." Ben pleads, desperation thick in his voice. I turn to look at him. His hair is ruffled and his eyes are glassy from crying. "I always have been, biologically or not. You should have not me about Edward beating you up."

"I didn't know how." I say. He nods slowly in understanding. I close my eyes, a wave of emotion hitting me again. "I'm scared, Ben."

"Me too." He admits, his voice cracking.

"It was my fault that we crashed. I had been drinking and I was angry and she...it came out of nowhere." I say, quick and rapid. The accident keeps playing in my head on repeat. If only, is most likely the worst phrase ever.

"I know." He states confidently. "So does Cooper. He just needs someone to blame but he doesn't blame you, not really."

I scoff, not believing that. Cooper had been burning with anger the last time I saw him and I can't blame him. Rose is his sister, his best friend and I put her in the hospital. I pull up some grass, trying to keep my hands busy, then throw it into the wind.

"She is one of the only good things in my life right now and I- I can't lose her." I whisper. I sound so vulnerable and desperate that I hate it. Ben's eyes soften.

"You won't. She is a fighter, always has been." Brooke says from in front of us, appearing from no where. Cooper stands beside her. Both of them look just as terrible as Ben and I, glassy eyes and pale faces.