Chapter 87: Taking It Slow

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I held my stare on him as he sang, feeling my heart beat faster. I remembered that night in his bunk so clearly. The sun just starting to come up where it felt like the rest of the world was still asleep.

He peeked down at me, giving me a subtle smirk and quickly looking away as our eyes met. When he finally finished, he turned to face me again.

"You're so funny. You perform for thousands of people every night, but you can't look at me when you sing?" I giggled to myself. He scrunched up his face, shaking his head.
"It's.. it's just different, Jess." He said, his eyes now in a daze.
"How is it different? If anything, I thought it would be.. easier." He shrugged, biting down on his lip.
"They don't make me nervous." He said softly. My heart jumped.

"I make you nervous?" I said softly. He nodded, holding his stare on me.
"Mhm.."
"How come?" I asked. He shrugged, looking down at his feet.
"I just.. I really care about what you think of me." He said quietly. 

It was crazy how after all this time, after everything I had put him through, he could still feel this way.

"Jess, can I ask you something?" He said, peeking back up at me. I nodded, feeling my heart beat faster.
"Sure." I said. He hesitated, staring back at me, but eventually made his way over, sitting down on one of the amps.
"I.. I was wondering if.. maybe tonight after the show.. if.. if you were up to it-"
"What is it, Josh?" I asked, giggling to myself. His smile grew as his cheeks burned red.
"Can I take you out tonight?" He finally asked. "I.. I know you and Jake just broke up so it.. it doesn't have to be like that.. not if you don't want it to be. I just.. I want to take you out. Just the two of us."

My heart was pounding. He stared back at me, his eyes hopeful.
"Take me out like.. on a date?" I asked. He shrugged, flashing me a smile.
"If you want it to be a date, it can be.." He said softly, reaching out for my hand. "But it doesn't have to be. Not if you're not ready for that. You could even.. decide at the end if you wanted it to be or not." He laughed, gently intertwining our fingers. 

I looked down at our hands, feeling my cheeks burn. I had never really experienced this Josh before, because like Jake said, he was always in the picture, so I had never really known what it would be like to actually date Josh.

"Josh.." I sighed, looking back up at him. He stared back at me with his dazed eyes and a subtle smile across his lips.
"I'm.. I'm sorry.. that was too forward and.. way too soon, I should've-"
"Yes." I finally said, feeling my cheeks burn. He stared back at me, wide-eyed.
"Y-yes?" He asked. I nodded, my smile growing.
"Yes, I'll.. I'll go out with you tonight." I said softly, feeling my face get even redder.

"Oh.. o-okay, great." He said, flashing me a toothy grin. "So, after the show-"
"But I want to do it right." I said, cutting him off. "I.. I want to start over. If we're gonna try.. this, I just want.. a fresh start."
"I'd like that." He said softly, reaching out, gently touching my cheek. I smirked at him, gently backing away.
"So that means none of that yet." I giggled to myself. He nodded, smiling back at me.
"Okay." He sighed, now pulling his hand out of mine. "Fresh start." 

"And.. I want to take things.. slow." I muttered.
"Of course. I can do that." He said sweetly, flashing me another smile.
"I mean it, Josh." I said, staring back wide-eyed, doing my best to hold in my smile. "Like.. really slow."
"I can go slow. I can go so slow it'll be like we're not even moving." He laughed. I rolled my eyes, looking away.

"And I know this isn't the most conventional situation, and maybe that's why things always feel so rushed on the road. And.. I am going home soon, but I just want.. to get it right this time."
"I understand, and I.. I want to get it right too." He said softly. 

"Okay.. you can pick me up from the back room after the show then." I laughed. He nodded.
"I'll be there." He said softly, leaning in closer. I saw his eyes move down from mine to my lips. My heart started beating faster.
"Josh.." I said. He stopped, smirking back at me, catching himself.
"What?"
"You know what." I sighed, biting down on my lip. He nodded, standing back up.
"Okay, okay. Slow. We're taking it slow." He said, reaching out for my hand to help me back up. I hesitated, but finally took it.

"Don't worry." He said, letting go, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I can take it slow. We'll do this however you want." 
"Thank you."

Later that night

I looked out at the crowd from the wings of backstage, doing my best to not be seen. Every show it got harder and harder to make my way around the venue without being stopped by fans. I had never experienced anything like this on any of the other tours I had shot. Then again, I was never as.. involved with the band as I was this time.

"How you feelin'?" I heard behind me. I turned to see Sam, grabbing his bass, making his way over to me.
"Probably better than you." I laughed. He smiled, shaking his head.
"No way, I'm fine. Just wait. You're gonna get amazing shots tonight. I'm feelin' pretty good."
"Yeah, I'm sure you do." I said, smiling back at him. He playfully shoved me, peeking out from behind the wings.

"So.. you staying on my side tonight?" He smirked. I felt my cheeks burn.
"Probably." I sighed, peeking out towards the other side of the stage. I really didn't want to see Jake, but maybe being around each other would be the best thing for us. Maybe.. this was just something we would have to get used to. I didn't want to let him ruin the rest of my time here. The tour was almost over. I could do my best to suck it up for a few more days.

"Did he come and talk to you?" Sam asked, his voice dropping. I felt my heart start to beat faster.
"Who?" I asked. He motioned towards the other side of the stage.
"Jake." I shook my head.
"N-no.. I.. I was with Josh." Sam held his stare on me for a moment and then eventually forced a smile.
"O-oh.. good." He said, looking back out. I stared up at him confused. Something just felt.. off with him lately.

"He asked to take me out tonight." I blurted out. Sam turned back to face me, his eyes wide.
"Out? Out like.. on a date out?" He asked, his voice now concerned.
"I.. I don't know.. maybe? But.. I don't know if I'm ready for that." I sighed. "But.. maybe I am? I don't know. It.. it could be fun though, right?" Sam bit down on his lip, holding his stare on me.
"Yeah.." He finally said, looking away. "I'm.. I'm sure it will be."

"Sam is.. is everything okay?" I asked. He peeked back at me.
"Of course, why?" He said plainly. I shrugged, feeling my cheeks burn.
"I don't know, I guess I just thought you'd.. be a little more.."
"A little more what?" He snapped. My stomach dropped.
"Sam?" I asked. What was happening? He never snapped at me like this. He was always the one I could turn to with stuff like this. What was coming over him?

"The show is gonna start, you should probably head down there." He said, motioning towards the front of the stage. I nodded, backing away.
"Oh.. yeah o-okay.." I said softly, grabbing my camera and making my way down into the pit.

I didn't have to wait very long until the lights went down and the cheering began. Danny was the first to walk out, making his way behind his drum set, waving enthusiastically to the crowd. Then Sam, who went down towards the front of the stage, blowing a kiss to the front row. The screams grew, and I couldn't help but smile. It was so funny to see people react like that over them.

Then Jake walked out, and my stomach dropped. He started playing right away, flashing the front row an adorable smile and giving them a subtle wave. My ears began to hurt from the piercing screams I heard from behind me. I saw his smile grow, his cheeks turning red as he turned away. 

I did my best to ignore the intense pangs of jealousy.

And then out walked Josh, beaming from ear to ear as he waved both arms to the crowd. He made his way to center stage, taking a bow before grabbing the microphone and panning the entire audience. I always enjoyed watching him take it all in. Then he looked down at me. I felt my heart jump. He winked, flashing me a wide grin. I tried my best to contain my smile, but it was no use.

That's all it took for me to spend the rest of the night excited about our date. 


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