Chapter 194: Love You More

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I couldn't take my eyes off of him the entire drive back, tightly holding his hand, our fingers firmly interlocked. He peeked over, a smile escaping his lips when he caught me staring.

"Are you excited?" He asked, gently rubbing the top of my hand. I nodded.
"Yeah." I sighed, feeling tears come to my eyes.
"When should we go back? I can make another appointment for you to get whatever you need, I'm not sure what that is yet, but I can always find o-"
"We'll get there." I laughed. "But we can just.. have today." He nodded, his smile growing.

I squeezed his hand tighter as he pulled into the parking lot.
"Aside from.. who needs to know, I don't think we should tell anyone yet." I said softly, peeking over at him.
"W-who would that mean?" He asked.
"Well, I.. I'm gonna call my dad while you're doing your next interview." I said. "W-who did you want to tell? It's just.. they say that you should wait to tell anyone.. just in case. And considering.. well, I don't want to jinx anything." He nodded, biting down on his lip.
"I.. I don't have to tell anyone yet, not if you don't want me to. I know if I tell my mom then.. everyone is gonna know." He giggled. I smiled, knowing he was right. He'd tell his mom, and his mom would tell Ronnie, and Ronnie would tell Sam, and-

Sam. I couldn't even imagine what Sam's reaction to this was going to be, I just knew that I wanted to delay it as long as possible.

"You can tell Josh.. if you want." I finally said. He nodded, his smile growing.
"I'll.. assess the situation." He smirked. "There's no rush. I don't mind this just being ours right now. We've still got a while before anyone will be able to tell.. right?" I shrugged.
"Well, I'm.. not entirely sure when it happened. But yeah, I'd say so. That's what they'll tell us at the next appointment."

"When do we get to start shopping for baby things?" He smirked. I bit down on my lip, trying to contain my smile.
"When we have somewhere to put everything." I laughed.
"We could always ship everything home." He said. "Though.. that would mean having to fill my mom in on everything. She'll have a lot of questions if baby clothes just started showing up."

I was so happy to know that our baby would have a grandma like her, because there was no way I was going to let my mom have any part in this. There was nothing she could ever teach me about being a mother.

"We.. we've got time." I muttered. He nodded, leaning in, kissing my forehead.
"You just let me know. It's whatever you want. This is you-.. well, I mean, it's ours but.. whatever you want to do, that's what we'll do." I sighed, holding my gaze on him, feeling more tears come to my eyes as I reached out, gently touching his cheek.

"I am so lucky that you found me." I said, pulling him into a long kiss. I felt him smile.
"I can see the hormones are already kicking in, huh?" He giggled, kissing me again. I couldn't help but laugh, pulling him into a series of kisses.
"I've always felt this way." I said softly. "But yeah.. it's probably only gonna get worse." His smile grew, his cheeks burning red.

"I.. I can't say that I mind. I love when you're like this with me. Honestly, I.. I wish you would be.. even more." I nodded, leaning my forehead against his.
"Then I will be. But.. come on. You've got more people to talk to." I laughed, wiping my face, motioning out of the van. He sighed, gently brushing the hair out of my face before pulling me into another kiss and hopping out of the van. Before I could open the door, he quickly made his way over, opening it for me.

"You're not lifting a finger for the next nine months." He laughed, taking my hand, helping me out. I shook my head, smiling back at him.
"Jake, I can-"
"No." He giggled. "You have to let me take care of you, Jess."
"Okay." I sighed, holding onto his arm as he lead us back to the bus. I wasn't going to fight him on it. He leaned down, kissing the top of my head before opening the door.

"Jeez, what, did they want your whole life story?" Josh called out.
"Y-yeah." Jake laughed, peeking back at me. I held in my smile as Josh looked out from his bunk, his eyes moving from Jake over to me.
"How many more do you have today?" He asked, looking back at me. My cheeks burned as I avoided his eyes.
"Just two more." Jake said simply. "I'm gonna be in the back so.. if anyone needs me.. don't." He peeked over at me, giving me a subtle smirk before going back, shutting the door behind him.

Josh was quiet for a moment, staring back at me. I felt my heart beating faster as my cheeks burned red, quickly looking away as his eyes began to resemble that same gaze from my dream.

I couldn't think about that.
Ever again.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly.
"Y-yeah.. why?"
"I.. I heard you.. this morning." My stomach dropped, and I felt like I was going to be sick again.
"W-what do you mean?" He held his stare on me. He knew I knew exactly what he meant. He had been there the first time. At least, when we thought it was the first time. And he was the only one I had told about taking another test, so I'm sure that hadn't left his mind ever since.

"I mean.. are you.. okay?" He asked again, keeping his voice down. My heart was now pounding in my chest. Josh was Jake's person, and I didn't want to take this away from him.

Though.. it seemed like he already knew.

"I'm okay, Josh." I finally said, giving him a gentle smile. He nodded.
"Cause you know.. I'm always here for you. No matter what." I nodded, looking away.
"I know. Um.. have there been a lot of people waiting out today? I.. I gotta call my dad, and I was gonna.." I muttered, motioning outside. He snapped out of it, shaking his head.

"Oh, um.. n-no. They've been better today. But.. I can keep an eye out for you if you want." I nodded.
"Thank you." I said softly, grabbing my phone and making my way outside.

I felt a knot form in my stomach as I looked down at my phone, hesitating. I could only imagine what he was going to say. I knew that I couldn't tell him over the phone, but just the thought of talking to him now made me nervous. This was the first time in my life where something had come between us, so I really didn't know how to approach this.

Finally, I hit call, every ring blaring in my ear.
"Well, hello stranger." He said playfully. I sighed, a smile escaping my lips.
"Hi Dad.." I managed, already getting teary-eyed.
"How are you, Sweetie?" I took a deep breath.
"I'm okay." I said softly.
"I missed you before you left." I hesitated.

"Yeah.. Dad, I.. I was wondering.. if you could.. come to another show soon." He was quiet for what felt like an eternity.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Y-yeah. I just.. I need to talk to you." He was quiet.
"Is this about Jake again?" My stomach dropped.
"Y-yes." I muttered. "Dad, he.. he told me what you said."
"He did.."
"Dad, I just.. there's.. there's just a lot we have to talk about."
"Jess, I just don't think that he's-"
"Dad, please?" He was quiet again. "D-dad?" I finally heard him sigh.

"I can probably come next week. Let me know where you are and.. I can let you know when I can get out there, okay, Sweetie?" My heart jumped, more tears coming to my eyes.
"Okay. Y-yeah. I will."
"Alright."
"I.. I miss you."
"I miss you too, Sweetie. And I hope to see you soon."
"Me too. I love you."
"Love you more, kid."

My heart sunk.
And then I hung up.

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