STUCK

20

today i had to get up extra early so i could go selling cigs, mami brought like 3 and got three makeshift lighters, but after sales i went straight to the kitchen.

in handout maria and daya were talking about how daya and i came up with the pornestach and his baby thing. i was focusing on handing out as they talked around me seeing as i was in the middle.

vee was next in line so i slipped the stamps i got underneath her pudding cup. she gave me a nod and went to the next person.

===

gloria and i were running round the kitchen doing stuff maritza did, after she got back from shu shes been doing shit half assed.

then vee showed up.

"brought you a gift" she said said holding up a cig, gloria put the container she had down and said "i dont need not stale ass tobacco" i laughed "nah abuela this shits for real" 

"this is to make up for that, this is fresh i promise" vee said waving around the roll "put some peppermint in it, turned it into menthol" gloria rolled her eyes, and picked up the container next where i was sitting on the counter.

"CO catches you round here theyll give you a shot" gloria said as she pushed me gently towards the door, i snorted and left to go to the main kitchen.

i see all the family except for daya and flaca who were helping with the newsletter thing.

"oi mami" i say as i walk behind her and wrapped my arms around her and rested my head on her shoulders, she grunted in response "i was thinking of getting cisa and mateo over here for a visit wanna tag along?" she turned as i let go of her "oh heavens yes, spending time with my grandkid, who the fuck says no to that" she laughs as she put some salt into the mince she was mixing. i walked out of the kitchen to go the the phones.

i waited in line for a little bit then finally got my turn for a call.

"hello, emanuel speaking" the caller answered, i smiled into the receiver.

"hey manny, its vera" i respond, i hear giggles that i knew belonged to mateo.

"hey vera, i was just playing with mateo" he says

"i was thinking you guys could come up for a visit tomorrow?" i say trying to hear over the loud white girls walking by.

"yeah that would be great, want to talk to mateo for a bit" he says as i hear him walk over to my son.

"yes, gimme my sweetface" i laugh.

all i could hear where gurgles and baby noises, "hey mateo its mommy" i hear emanuel say at a distance.

"hey baby, mommy misses you so so so much" i say

i talk into the phone for five minutes before i get told to get off my the supervising co.

"bye bye baby, mommies got to go but i love you so much" i say before the crys begin, hearing him call for me breaks my heart and i start crying.

i hang up going straight to the dorms, laying on the bed and letting my tears soak the pillow.