𝑭𝒊𝒇𝒕𝒚-𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒓.

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Ophelia

"Here you go." Ashley gives me a mug with steaming hot tea before sitting down on the couch. "Let's take a minute to talk, I'm sorry for being so busy." I turn around with a faint smile. "That's alright Ash, you don't need to drop everything because I am home."

I turn around to the window, looking down onto the streets of London through our apartment window like I've done for the last two days. It feels like an age ago that I've been in London. Since graduation I haven't been home for more than two days. Flying from London to Baku, then to Monaco, Spain, Greece and back to monaco. It has been a busy few weeks, but fun. I just needed a moment for me and to centre myself again. Especially after Lando asked for me to move in.

The guilt and hurt flows over me when I remember his sad eyes and disappointed look when I didn't jump in joy and excaptence when he'd asked me to move in. I feel terrible, but Ifeel like I need to be sure before moving across Europe for him. I sigh and turn around to go sit next to my friend on our couch. Well, the couch, because it is a new one. Ashley had given the whole apartment a makeover and the only thing that hasn't changed is my own bedroom. Maybe that also adds to the feeling that I don't belong here anymore.

"Well, I needed a moment to think and get my thoughts in line. Sorry for being quiet" I start explaining. I told Sabine and Ashley about Lando's question, but I couldn't go into detail before leaving for belgium. The weekend of spa we acted normal, but it felt like the unanswered question was hanging between us like a deathsentense. I told Lando I needed to think about it and that wasn't the reaction he had hoped for. "So, after Belgium I told Lando that I would spend the days until the dutch grand prix here, back home, and I promised him an answer when I see him friday." Sipping my tea I look at Ashley, measuring her next words.

"How did he take that?" The question lands heavy in my chest bringing the guilt right back. "He was disappointed, but didn't let that show and proposed that we use the days to be on our own and decide if this is the right choice," I explain.

"And do you think it is?" I shrug at her, but smile into my mug. "Yes. I miss him so much and it's only been two days." I sound so desperate, but it's true. Two days without any contact made me realise that I need him more than I thought I did. Ashley laughs at my desperation. "And to be honest I don't have much in London anyway." Ashley scoffs at that and I click my tongue in disapproval, rolling my eyes. "Beside you and Bine, of course."

"I would think so. Don't you forget about us," she half sings to me, making me laugh. I missed her, despite spending two whole weeks with her on vacation. I can't compare my life to the life of F1 drivers, but I get their complaining about not seeing friends and family much. "No, but with all seriousness. I get what you mean. You're done studying, your job doesn't require you to be here and the love of your life doesn't live close." I nod at her assessment, because she is right. "Well, most of the time he doesn't." I say, referring to his apartment in Woking.

"You know you've just admitted that he is the love of your life, right?" Ashley laughs at my stunned face. Fuck, I did. The realisation hits me harder than it should. Of course I love Lando very much. But reacting so casually to a statement like that tells me that I've completely let him in. Who would have thought. Ashley laughs even harder at my dumbfound expression and I throw a pillow at her. "Oi, Watch the tea!" She yells while she holds her mug out of my throwing path. "Then you shouldn't laugh at me for being corny!"

"I didn't!" My brows shoot up in scepticism. "Okay, I did. But you are too sweet for your own good. Just move in with the guy." I grown in frustration. "But I shouldn't move for love! I don't speak french and everyone I know there is always gone!" The protest is very weak and Ashley knows that, perking her eyebrow up at me. "Why shouldn't you move for love. If he is it now, then you don't need to worry about later. Just enjoy the moment, move to Monaco. If that feels like home for you it's the right choice." She raises her mug as to toast to that wise saying.

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