I Don't Even Know (Wattpad Rants)

Bullying is Abuse

Oh boy. This is going to be a rough one.

I'm going to try to keep a pretty serious tone here because this is a very sensitive subject.

Now, I've seen this a lot, and I think it's at its worst in the fanfiction genre, especially in AUs that involve high school. There are so many things wrong with this topic, and as someone who's experienced bullying, I can tell you that this is not okay.

So, what am I talking about? Well, I'm talking about those books where the love interest (usually a boy) is a bully. It's a sick subject, and I get that this gives a lot of depth (or just shallow romance, depending on how well it's written) to the bully character, but really? This just makes the victim of bullying look like an idiot.

When I was kid, I was bullied by a boy and his sisters. It was really bad, and there was nothing I could do about it. Luckily, my parents had a fall out with their parents, so I never had to see them again. (My parents still don't know the bullying happened.) Anyway, to this day, I never ever want to see them again.

So why is it that Tessa, the bullied girl, is okay with dating her bully? Does everything he did to hurt her not amount to anything? And I'm not even saying that she shouldn't forgive him, because yes, it's the right thing to do. The problem here is that forgiving someone doesn't erase what they did to you. It takes a ridiculous amount of time to even come to terms with someone who's hurt you so badly. You can't just go "Oh, I understand that you were hurt too. It doesn't matter that you punched me that one time and sent me to the hospital. I completely forgive you, so let's date now."

Just NO! Even if you forgive someone like that, you shouldn't want to see them again because of all the terrible memories they'll trigger. Hurt like that just doesn't go away. And if he punched you when he bullied you, what makes you think he'll change. It could very well escalate into an abusive relationship where Tyler promises to never hit Tessa again only to repeat the punch, the apology, the "I love you," then right back to violence cycle. People who abused you before aren't going to just change like that, no matter how much you try. 

Because here's the thing: Only they can change themselves. It doesn't matter how much effort you put into trying to make them a better person because in the end, it's that person's choice to make.

Anyway, now that you know what I'm delving into, I'll get on with the list.

This is why I don't like these stories:

🔘 The bully gets the girl by just saying sorry

Actions speak louder than words. So here's the thing.

When someone bullies you, they tear you down, break you, tries to take control over your life. They may be doing this to cope with their own inferiority, but it doesn't give them a free pass.

So, when they are repentant, a simple "sorry" isn't going to cut it. If you really want to show how much the bully loves Tessa, you need to make him work for it.

Maybe make him do little favours for Tessa, like giving her flowers or trying to lessen her load when she's working. Or, if Tessa wants nothing to do with him, maybe make him do something for her in secret, so she knows someone is helping her but has no idea who it is. This, at least to the audience, shows that he's changed.

The guy who bullied me never apologised, and it took me more than a decade to even bring myself to say I forgave him. I still struggle with this, and I still am in the process of trying to forgive him for what he did. If he came back and at least put some effort to show that he was sorry, this process of forgiving him would be a lot easier, and I might even consider being friends with him. As such, he is still a jerk to me, and when he had the audacity to send me a friend request on FB, I didn't hesitate to decline.