𝐈𝐓 𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐓 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐃 to speak about what happened between us immediately, so we talked about everything and somethings before we found ourselves walking outside. The wind grew colder, it was Chloe's favourite kind of weather, the leaves rustled and the breeze was crisp, however one gust seemed to get to her as she clasped onto her arms for heat.
"Hey you're getting goosebumps, take this" I offered whilst already taking off my favourite jacket.
"No no it's fine, plus then you'll be cold" she countered, she tried her best to seem fine but I could tell she was struggling to stop her teeth from chattering. Salt Lake City's weather could be a bitch sometimes.
"I've got a hoodie underneath, trust me I'm good" I said and I immediately put the denim jacket over her shoulders. We were perfectly secluded and she looked so tiny under my huge jacket; it was adorable and that was making this so much harder. I looked down at her with gloomy eyes, unsure of what to say. She observed my expression for a few seconds and it hit her, it's like I could see her heart sink. This felt like a Bachelor finale where I had to let down the favourite runner up, but before I had to see Chloe get mad over who he chose and I would be the one consoling her.
Why was I about to do this? Every fibre of my being seemed to want the opposite, but I was making my brain take over my heart this time. I stayed up all night making up a pros and cons list of what I was about to do - it rendered useless as nothing made me feel confident. So here we are.
"I feel like you already know what I'm about to say" I began, my throat felt so strained. She forced a weak laugh but didn't say anything, she urged for me to continue. Even if she knew, she had to hear it from me.
"Chloe I - I spent almost a year trying to move on from this. I couldn't open up...to anyone the way I used to with you. And seeing you here, it hurt me so much but it also made me the happiest I had been, if that makes sense..." I trailed off, I had no I idea where I was going with this. She remained emotionless.
"See it doesn't even make sense to me! Which is why I think that...I need time on my own to figure it out. I'm so sorry, but I'm just not ready 'cause..."
"I lost your trust, right?" she said trying to help me out, and her voice broke slightly. I clenched my teeth together with grief; there was a huge part of me that wanted to take this all back.
"No I understand, really. It's not fair of me to leave and then come back and say I made a mistake - God what was I thinking" she then said loudly, I could sense the beginning of a spiral.
"No no I'm happy you told me how you felt, like you don't know how long I waited to hear that" I said honestly. She looked up to me; the rims of her eyes were slightly red. But she also looked like she was also trying to read between the lines of what I was saying.
"Still, I saw this coming, there are people out there that wouldn't ruin a relationship Ricky Bowen style right?" she then asked. I felt myself recoil as I knew who she was referring to.
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