𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 the world yet it was breaking our hearts, as our journey on the show was soon coming to an end. It was the elephant in the room - we refused to think about not seeing each other for a long time after the official wrap party, so we lived every day to the fullest. Especially for me, since at least with the show's promotions the main cast got to see each other again - but as just an extra - I was going to have to say goodbye.
We had all been working so hard almost everyday and it was an absolute blast to say the least. We had already met Kaycee Stroh and I freaked out then, but meeting Lucas Grabeel was the day I officially lost my shit. Anyone could tell you how I used to hit his microphone pose in his rendition of What I've Been Looking For, and when he agreed to do that with me for my Instagram story I wanted to pass out.
I was in a happy place lately, especially after taking Josh's advice and finally contacting my parents again. I insisted that Josh didn't need to be there with me when I called them, well FaceTimed them as they suggested. However, seeing them after all this time would've made me anxious beyond comprehension and he knew that without me having to tell him - so he sat with me through the whole thing.
And it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be - because newsflash Josh was right, again - and I was holding myself back from growing up; I was naïve with how the conversation would actually turn out. After the niceties there was controlled yelling and complaining - all from my end, and they took it since it they knew they were at fault. I never thought about them or talked about them to people, because they weren't part of this new life I was trying to live.
However all they wanted to do was talk to me about it and where they were in life, and wish me a happy 18th, as I finally had full reign over my life. They didn't end up selling my childhood home and were going to stay in Oceanside for a while, but I told them I wasn't coming back for them when this was all over.
They were disappointed, yet understanding - they appreciated me living with Maeve and chasing my dreams here in Salt Lake City for now. But, Josh convinced me it would be good for me to visit them and that I wouldn't regret it, so we arranged a Thanksgiving date.
Jane had been letting them know what I was up to this whole time; meanwhile I thought they gave zero shits about my time here. But the truth is, they just didn't know how to after all this time. It sucked as I was mostly surrounded by the most perfect nuclear families - namely Josh's - but my parents' love language just seemed to be sending me my favourite things like I was youtuber getting constant PR - whilst they made a living outside of my orbit.
That was them trying, and I let that be okay now, since I didn't feel the need for more any longer. I didn't want them in my life that badly anymore, that 'family life' I craved. But after a three-hour conversation - I was able to do what I thought I had already done: forgive them and gain closure.
That happened months ago and it was all thanks to Josh for pushing me, I still hadn't found the words to tell him how much I owed my recent happiness to him. I finally felt light, but he was still there to keep me grounded and safe.
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