𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐒 | 𝒋𝒐𝒔𝒉𝒖𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒕𝒕

𝟎𝟐𝟐. 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕

Chloe's POV

"𝐂𝐇𝐋𝐎𝐄 𝐈'𝐌 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒, 𝐘𝐎𝐔 don't have to" Josh interrupted, his voice shivered slightly.

"No I want to, I promised myself I would tell you...things, I need to tell you - 'bout six years too late but whatever," I mumbled and he couldn't help but laugh under his breath.

"Just keep in mind I guess, this was kind of a goodbye letter to you since you kinda started holding hands with Heather and - okay well it may be sappy I don't know" I rambled. I darted my eyes to him and back to the letter but he was waiting patiently.

"I wanna let you in on a secret yadayadayada because...I'm the girl of your dreams masquerading as your best friend" I finally said. I felt the same nerves I usually would during speech assessments at school but now it was professing my feelings to the guy that terrified my heart.

I cleared my throat and I didn't dare look at him, "I uh - I look forward to seeing you everyday, giving you food and helping you with homework" I laughed lightly under my breath as that was truly my love language then, "as that was the only way I knew how to be around you..." I looked up finally and saw Josh's fists were clenched and he was restlessly waiting for me to continue.

"B-but I couldn't tell you...in case you got scared and ran away. So I decided that it's best to live with a lie than to expose my-my true feelings" I felt my throat start to close up, knowing that it was because I was going to cry. This girl broke my heart, how she was so scared to be vulnerable around the one person she cared about the most - out of fear. And of course, it was worse that she never changed.

Once fear crept into her mind, when they were too happy, she left and went back into that shell.

"But after knowing that you were sick..." I sniffed unwittingly but I couldn't help it, reliving that day was breaking my heart, "...or you really became a fancy actor and you left?" I continued and I even heard Josh chuckle slightly, "I would h-hate myself, even more if you never knew"

I watched a tear stain the corner of the page but I refused to look up. 'Hate myself even more.' I watched the girl in my mind write this letter in her bedroom whilst she heard the door close to signal her parents left again. The neglect and abandonment she faced her whole life ruined the best thing she ever had.

"No one has ever really seen me, but you do, and I will always be grateful for that" I emphasised always since it was so true even to this day, it was crazy how I felt like I didn't matter but he tried so hard to be around me; so I could finally let him in.

"But you see Heather now...and it's okay" I said in between laughs again. Jesus me as a heartsick twelvie was painful. Especially because me saying it's okay was definitely not okay. I again quickly looked at Josh - when I mentioned her name again he looked at me with pity. He was about to say something about it but instead decided to keep his mouth shut.

"My - oh wow," I interrupted myself as I glanced ahead, "my father once told me there are two types of girls...the ones you grow out of, and the ones you grow into...I really hope I'm the latter" I said through sniffs. I couldn't keep it in anymore. I could hear Josh inching closer but he was scared that if he touched me I'd break. I had to look away and I scrunched my eyes in pain, trying to get the tears to stop.

I gathered myself and powered through, "So - I may not be the one you...love, today, but I'll let you go for now hoping that one day you'll come back to me..." I read the last line before looking up at Josh. I could tell my cheeks were stained with tears and patches of pink. I saw him and he looked exactly the same, he had one tear down his cheek, but he was smiling to let me know it was okay.