Imperfect

The Escape

Within days, Jamie and I had booked tickets. We were so excited and we left the following week. Everything was a bit short notice, and my parents were concerned I was running away from my problems rather than dealing with them. Which is precisely what I was doing. I needed a break anyway. I hadn't had a proper holiday in the whole time Fin and I were together. There had just never been a good time. One of us was always working. I had been back to the house and collected more of my clothes and important items like my passport. I was so glad that I had made the right choice. I was still hurting a lot but knowing Finley was getting help and that we would both be healing was helping me. I had finished packing some items and pulled on my favourite jacket. I jammed my phone into the pocket and ran downstairs. Mum was cooking a meal, and the smell of home made curry was wafting through the whole house. I walked into the kitchen and sat on a stool by the breakfast bar.

"Need any help Mum?" I asked smiling at her.

"No sweetheart it's ok. How's he job hunt going?" She asked. I shrugged. It wasn't really going anywhere. I couldn't get a job and then tell them I was going away for a month. I had sneaking suspicions that Mum was trying to put me off going at all.

"It's ok. There isn't much about at the moment, but I'm sure something will come up." I said. She huffed and her brows furrowed deeply on her forehead.

"I know you've saved a lot Claire, but it's not good to just live off of your savings. You need to get a job honey. It will make your life more structured. I know you and Jay are excited for this trip but can't you go another time?" She asked.

"Mum, I know you're worried. I promise the second I get back from Italy I will immediately look for a job. I know I should keep my savings, and I'm not planning on spending every penny I have on this trip, but I need time away. I love LA I really do, but being in this house, or Finley's house is just a constant reminder. I need time to heal. I promise we'll be sensible with our money. We haven't booked any five star hotels, and I think just the hotels and the plane tickets have cost us all in three thousand." It was an extortionate amount of money, but I was determined I was going to do this. It would be the only time in my life I had a chance. Once normal life resumed I wouldn't have this opportunity. Jamie walked into the kitchen and broke the tension between Mum and I.

"What are you cooking Jo? It smells delicious." He asked inhaling the delicious smell deeply.

"Just a jalfrezi. Although it's made from scratch so expect some spice." She warned.

"Oooo I love a good curry! Spice away, maybe the burn will distract me from the mess I call a life!" He joked. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and felt a small object.

"What is this?" I mumbled. I didn't remember putting anything, other than my phone, in my pocket so I had no idea. I pulled it out, and there was the box Finley had tried to give me. I slammed it down on the side. "Ugh. Why does he never just take no for an answer?" I said angrily. Jamie and my Mum looked at me, perplexed about my sudden outburst of emotion. I stormed out of the room and walked upstairs. I felt like every time I started to feel better, something would come along and drag me back in. I threw myself on the bed face down and starfished. If Finley wanted to play these little games, then so would I. I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I quickly opened up WhatsApp.

Fin. Just found your little gift. I haven't opened it. Why do you need to keep torturing me? Why can't you understand how painful this is for me? I know you're going through a lot. I know you're hurting but so am I. I thought we were soul mates. I thought we were going to be together forever and instead we are here. Please, no more surprises. I need to heal.

Claire

I sent it and flopped back down. Today was the first day since we had broken up that I hadn't cried. I guess that's about to change, I thought. A lump was building in my throat and no matter how much I tried to swallow it and push it down, it wasn't going anywhere. I knew Finley wouldn't have his phone but I didn't care. Just being angry at him wasn't enough. Why couldn't we have worked this out? Why did he have to shut me out? Why did he have to stop caring like he did? Tears were coming again and I was sick of it. I wished I could go to Italy tomorrow. At least then Fin wouldn't be able to get to me. I wiped my eyes and sniffed. Mr Boots came over and began gently batting at my face.