Imperfect

Trust Issues

The next few weeks went by smoothly. Finley and I had become friends, and whilst things were still slightly awkward, they were pleasant. Finley still wasn't taking his recovery as seriously as he should be, but his mood had improved and that was a start. I had helped him get breakfast and we were now sat quietly eating. He kept giving me weird looks and I wasn't sure why. After the final look I had to say something.

"Is everything ok Fin?" I asked. I raised my eyebrows and pursed my lips slightly. He had his spoon halfway to his mouth and slowly raised it to his mouth. He held my gaze the entire time and it was awkward to say the least. I rolled my eyes and carried on eating. He glanced at me again and I practically threw my spoon into my bowl with a loud clatter.

"Ok Fin. I'm not playing this game, it's irritating. What's wrong?" I asked. He put his spoon down and stared at me with wide eyes.

"Nothing. I'm good. I was just thinking." He replied.

"About...?" I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair. Finley looked incredibly uncomfortable and dropped his eyes back to his cereal. I slid my chair out and stood up. I took my bowl into the kitchen. I placed it into the dishwasher. Fin had been acting weird for the past few days around me and I wasn't sure why. I walked back to the dining room and sat on my chair. I looked at Fin, and he began stuffing cereal into his mouth as quickly as he could.

"Ok Fin. I give in. I'm not sure what is going on with you, but it's weird. So when you feel ready to talk. Let me know." I stood up and walked towards the door with purpose.

"I can't." He finally said. I turned to look at him. He was now sat back in his chair, with his head back, staring at the ceiling.

Talk to me Fin, what is it?" I asked. He looked at me and then dropped his gaze to the table. "Please, don't shut me out."

"I can't Claire. It'll just make us both miserable." He said. I had no idea what he was talking about but it didn't sound good.

"Come on Fin, you're worrying me. Please, tell me." I begged. He started breathing heavily. I could tell this was cutting him up. Had something happened that I didn't know about?

"I want to tell you something Claire. But I can't. It's painful and I'm not sure I'm ready. I can't put myself out there again. I've done it so many times and I keep getting burned. I think it's just best if we leave things as they are." He muttered.

"Fin, if there's anything I can do..." He put one hand up and I stopped talking.

"Before we got together, the only people I had were my co stars and Malcolm. Then you enriched my life with this energy, and love that I had never experienced before. Then when I needed you, you left too. It hurt Claire. I know I did selfish things, but I needed someone, anyone, no, I needed you to be there and you weren't." He sounded emotional and it felt like Finley had dumped a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. Truth be told this had definitely had a detrimental effect on our relationship before. When he told me I was his inspiration to continue acting, and when he was out drinking and would come home and tell me I was the only person he had. I didn't want to be solely responsible for his life. I figured once we had built him back up physically we would get him some help emotionally. It seemed like he had a troubled life and he definitely needed a constructive outlet, and to let go of the past.

"Fin... I had no idea, I just thought you didn't care anymore. When Jen told me, what you were going through, I cried for days. I immediately wanted to come back, but I couldn't. I needed my life back Fin. I needed to be stronger and better before I could even attempt to be friends with you. Let alone a relationship. I don't want to argue, but I want you to know that I felt like I had so much responsibility to take care of you that I forgot to take care of myself. It's something I won't forget again. I'm stronger now Fin and I want you to trust that I can help you get better." I replied.