A Bit Different

Chapter 46

Thor tugged at his hair in frustration. He had never been this agitated before. Never this stressed, never this sleep deprived. His schedule was chaos, his room a mess. He was disgusting, reeking, after barely any attention to his personal hygiene. His hair tangled, his clothes rumpled. 

His life was falling apart before his eyes, and so was he.

It was so stupid. All he needed to do was go to her. Go to her and beg for her forgiveness. Go to her and face her loving eyes, the same eyes which made him blind to the fact that he was doing just the thing she hated. He was forcing her. Making her do something she hated.

His head was in agony, his fingers torturing his hair, making it even more tangled. Even though it made him wince, it steadied him, distracting him from the emptiness in his chest. He kept pacing the room, the uniform beat of his feet allowing him to think, but his feet kept getting stuck in stray pieces of clothing, armor and weapons. He desperately needed to get himself together.

He had been so ignorant. He had ignored her feelings. As kind as she was, it was completely unacceptable for him to make her fight for him. He had not even realized what he was doing. He had fun, meeting up with his family while she was having sleepless nights learning about his culture and traditions. 

He didn't deserve her. But he wanted to deserve her. He needed her in his life. And the only way he was getting her back was to go talk to her.

But simply the idea of seeing her was too daunting. Whenever it was required to stand side to side in public, he had felt hollow, acting like he didn't know her, as if she were but an acquaintance. He could see the hurt inn her eyes, the silent questions before she steeled herself, putting up her walls and treating him with the same distant politeness. He knew he deserved it, but it still broke his heart every single time.

 He had wanted nothing more than to  bury his head in her neck, inhale her sea scent, feel her fingers through his hair, feel her lithe body under his arms. But he could not. He just could not face her. He was too ashamed. 

He kicked a gauntlet in frustration, the piece of metal hitting the wall and crumpling under his godly force. He wished someone would kick him like that. He wanted the pain, he wanted to compensate. And in the desperation, in all hopelessness, he started throwing whatever he could reach, litter, clothes, furniture.

Everything crumpled against the wall, breaking beyond repair. Each crash rang in his ears, loud and clear as he hurled even more innocent things at the wall, which now had scarps and remnants at its base. 

Just as he was about to fling his desk, his brother barged in his room, his face a sheet of alarm. His eyes took in everything as they swept across they room, taking in the mess, the rumpled sheets, clothes and armor scattered, the litter under the right wall, and himself. A God, a prince reduced to is knees, with his hair a rats nest, bags under his swollen eyes, barefoot and dressed in a hasty mix of clothes, throwing random objects at a wall with tears running down his cheeks.

"Get up, idiot. Come on now!" Loki said as he wrapped an arm around his bicep and pulled his reluctant body up. Thor barely registered his words, only focusing on his soft tone, urging him to listen to him. Keeping his attention on trying to walk, he completely missed the look of utter concern roll off his brothers face, gone in an instant. 

He then pushed Thor towards his bathroom, his hand still gripping his upper arm, the firm grip keeping him balanced as he stumbled along. 
"Wash your face and pull yourself together. I will be waiting outside." He said.

He left, closing the door behind him, making Thor grip the sink to keep upright. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of his muddled thoughts. Loki's forceful words still echoed in his mind and so he obeyed, taking an extra moment to calm down.

One woman. That was all it took to ruin him. And for her, he would go through it all over again.