A Bit Different

Chapter 59

Thor's P.OV

My hands were covered in blood. Hot, wet blood which was slowly starting to itch as it dried. But I still couldn't force myself to move. For some reason I couldn't move my eyes from my fingers though I was not looking at them. No, my mind was replaying the same image over and over again.

Instead of my dirty hands, I saw her eyes close. They'd looked so tired, so done. I saw her hit the ground like a sack of potatoes, crumpling into herself. I saw her clutch her side as I ran like I'd never run before. I wanted to do something, anything, but at that moment, pure panic sized me.

I was old, going through endless battles and deaths, but at that time, holding my hands on her wound, letting the warm blood ruin my clothes, I felt fear like never before. My body worked on its own, cradling her head and shouting orders before I knew what was happening. 

My cheeks were wet. Was I crying? Maybe. I didn't know what was happing anymore. 

***

She was alive, they said. It was supposed to be a relief; it was, but my body refused to relax. Stiff as a corpse, it just sat outside, staring at my hands, covered in her blood. She was somewhere inside, a couple of healers took her there, too focused to even talk to me. Good.

I felt like I was going to...I don't know. Burst? Crumble? Cry? Maybe all three. I didn't even know what I was feeling. It was all there. Too much and nothing at all. 

***

My mother forced me to take a bath. I complied, or tried to at least. I was too sore. After sitting in one place for hours, my body has frozen in place. I didn't even feel the pain. Frigga called Loki to help me. It made me feel weak, but I knew I needed his help so I leaned on his shoulder and let him whisper words of comfort which fell on my unhearing ears. 

He was just as affected as I was, but after years of masking a facade, he was simply better at hiding it. I wish I was too. I did what he told; it was better to mindlessly work. Thinking was too hard. 

***

I smiled after days. She was going to get better. Fit and fine as ever, they had reassured me, pity bright in their eyes. I had been getting the same look again and again. I hated it, the pity, the fake sympathy. I had almost lashed out, but for once, I didn't care. She was coming back to me. My sweet, sweet warrior. 

***

I avoided Sally and Poseidon. They looked too much like her. I knew that if I saw them, I would torture myself trying to find her in their face, so I didn't. It seemed like even they weren't too keen on letting me near them. 

It was alright with me. As long as I had her.

***

How she still managed to smell of the sea, I didn't know, but after weeks of being in the same place, even the room embraced her scent. I almost laughed. She'd managed to make a place hers without even looking at it. But I was greedy. I took in her perfume like a drug, taking in more air without letting enough out.

I was addicted to it. I was addicted to her. 

She was my drug.