MOONDUST

53 🌙 You're my anchor

Luna Larsson

"Bitch, next time wear your damn seatbelt!" Sophia nearly swatted at Grace's shoulder before realizing her collarbone was broken in a few places and she just got out of surgery.

"Yeah, I learned my lesson." Grace smiled. Even right after surgery she looked like her bright and airy self, Levi still a crying mess as he sat next to her bed, holding her hand. He, including the rest of us, was relieved she got away with some broken ribs, a concussion and that broken collarbone. Other than that also some serious bruises on her angelic face. I was lucky because she on the other hand did break her nose on impact. "Free nose job baby." She said, still a little bit dazed from the anesthesia.

"Princess, that's not even funny." Levi called out for her, while he wiped away the never ending waterfall on his cheeks. It didn't even stop when the doctor came to tell us she was out of the woods. Aw, that certainly is the cutest nickname for her. "I was worried sick." He shook and he was almost going sob again, but held back as soon as her thumb rubbed the back of his hand. "Seriously I thought I was going to lose you." He did sob this time, not even that comforting rub could stop him.

"We all thought we lost you Grace." Sophia's face fell along with some tears down her cheeks and the guilt started to consume me again. All I could think about was the fog in my head as soon as the headlights of that truck send a sharp pain through my head and everything after that is a mystery.

"I'm sorry." I whispered under my breath, my gaze low and I could feel Jules squeezing my good hand.

"It wasn't your fault." Grace shook carefully, still stiff allover like the rest of us. "Luna, don't dare and blame yourself for this." I do blame myself. I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have driven to that game, not today, not any day, especially not in the snow.

"Levi is right." I whimpered while looking up at Jules by my side, his eyes pleading me to stop feeling sorry, but I couldn't. I am sorry. "If we lost you I would have never forgiven myself." I shook my head, my throat instantly closing up as I the words desperately fell from my lips. "I'm sorry." Tears were taunting to fall from my eyes any second. "I..." I couldn't speak anymore, the lump of guilt cutting off the air.

"Luna, I didn't mean to." Levi stood up, his face now filled with regret, but he was right all along. The headlights were as much of a stupid excuse as it was true.

"I need some air." The words came out more like a whimper than anything, my chest squeezing my heart so much it was making me dizzy. I held my hand up before Levi could ever try to get up from his chair, and Jules could squeeze my hand any harder. I pulled away, leaving the tight air in that damn room while fleeing into the hallway.

The white walls, the smell of disinfecting alcohol, the people in scrubs, the gut-wrenching scent of bland hospital food and the horrible sound of beeping monitors, I couldn't stand it as it held the memory of one sound in particular. The sound of a flatline. My mother's flatline exactly thirty-four minutes after her surgery, the minute my dad and I walked into her intensive care room. All I could hear was that damn beeping sound as if it was my own. The long hallway seemed more like a tunnel now, while my entire body felt numb like I was going to stop to exist any second. I was sliding my hand along the wall trying to keep me grounded, to have something to hang on to, but I had nothing, just bad memories and a hole in my heart, and that wasn't enough to keep me here.

I hate hospitals, I hate hurting other people, I hate my mom for leaving me with the hope of seeing her again. You never said goodbye mom, and I resent you for it as much as I loved you for trying! I hate this and I can't breathe, why can't I breathe?