MOONDUST

13 🌙 First Letter

Luna Larsson

He just sat there, staring at me, the guilt dripping from his eyes. "Luna." He whispered, rubbing his hands over his face. "I don't even know how to tell you..." Just tell me you're cheating!

"Just do Zander. I don't care how!" I raised my voice and I felt the tears go down my face and I hated myself for it, I hated myself that I cared, that I let anyone hurt me, that I was crying over a guy that doesn't care about me. If only I could just tell myself I'd be better off without him, but I couldn't. I just didn't quite believe that, his sift side luring me in every time.

He looked at me, his lips parted with shock, and he took a deep breath to go on and talk. "I was drunk after our argument last night, I didn't even know what I was doing half of the time and then I ran into her, Katy, and we talked..." He shrugged, but I had a feeling that wasn't all they did. "I didn't know what was happening when she kissed me out of the blue." I knew it. "Trust me please... It meant nothing!" That's what they all say! "Absolutely nothing! I didn't feel anything... It almost made me sick when I realized what happened, all I could think about was you. I came back to my room after it happened, I needed to see you, to hold you. Please..." You did? "I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know how... I knew it would upset you and, we had that argument, I thought that..." He shook his head, his eyes focused on the tears coming out of mine, while trying to hold back his own. "I thought that you would break up with me then and there...I- I'm sorry." I sighed, rubbing his eyes.

"Oh..." So, I was right... But he was really drunk...and... I looked up at him, tears in the corners of his eyes. He looked so vulnerable, so weak and scared, terrified almost.

"Oh? What does that mean? Please say something else than oh..." He panicked as he grabbed my hand, this time I let him. "I didn't get the chance to stop her, I swear." He squeezed my fingers, desperately holding on to me tightly, but I was speechless, my thoughts a whirlwind of different emotions. "Baby..." He pleaded and I wanted to punch him, run away from him but also make him hold me, be near me. "Dammit I don't want to lose you over this..." He begged, pulling me into his arms as he held on to me like he was never going to let go. I can't think straight! Are we over, are we not! I don't know, I don't want to know, not now. My head is going to explode! I needed to think, to get facts straight and to stop imagining him kissing a stunning girl called Katy for 2 whole seconds. All he did was hold me tight, burying his face into the hollow of my neck. I can't think like this. My arms folded around his neck, hugging him back while I plainly stared at the frames on my wall. I don't know... I just don't know.

"I think you should go." I suddenly spilled, the words flying faster out of my mouth than my mind could think about them.

"What? No!" He freaked, pulling his head away from my neck and that was when I saw his tear stained cheeks. "We're going to talk about this." He whispered, cupping my face, so I had to look him in the eye.

I reacted, pushing him away from me, his hands quickly falling to his side, disappointment swallowing him whole. "I have a throbbing headache Zander! You're only making it worse. Just stop!" I snapped, shaking my head between my hands.

"I'm not leaving!" He snapped back, his hand latching onto my thigh.

"Yes you are." I raised my voice to level his, pushing his hand away from my leg, but he wasn't letting me.

"Don't do this. Don't push me away!" I kept trying to push his hand away but his other one grabbed my wrist, making me stop. "You told me to be fucking honest! I was, and now you're giving me crap for it!"

I shook my head, nearly hissing at him. "I'm not giving you crap for it! I'm just not feeling fucking well!" I yelled and everything in the room seemed to stop to exist. His face dropped as he let go of my thigh and wrist, quickly wiping his tears away.