His Intense Love

42

Rick

Of course Daniel, always Daniel! Lifting the stopper from the bottle top, I swung that out of my way. Bringing the bottle up to my mouth, I took a long drink without stopping to breathe, needing the heat to numb the pain but it's not enough. I want something strong to escape this pain, the pain of hollowness and loneliness. Rick Adam, you are a curse my dear. You deserve nothing, you don't have lovely growing memories, you never got the tenderness and motherly care from your mother and certainly, you will never going to have another chance with the love of your life. You should have known by now, you are not meant for any happiness, you can only have bitterness, emptiness and vengeance. That's your fate.

I wonder sometimes, why I am still breathing? I closed my eyes shut for a moment, slow inhale, slow exhale, hold to give my brain a moment to think, the beautiful image of smiling Jen appears, tears sting my eyes, but I squeeze them away, refusing to let them fall over. Jen....Even thinking of her name makes my heart twinge. You are only the reason I am still alive Jen but trust me I am dying thousands of deaths every day seeing your loveless eyes. Strangely, you are so close to me, yet miles away from me. Sometimes, I wonder whether I should celebrate you being near to me or cry to see you so aloof. What should I do to break that huge wall which you have bounded around your heart?

"Do you think drinking will help?" Not even bothering to turn my head towards the lady, I gulp my drink in one breath.

"Woah, hold your horses man, you have no idea with whom you are fighting, he is brutal" I just wanted to laugh at her, does she know my fight is not with anyone but with myself. One more fight, a fight with life and death, if not death then let this body get one more punishment and let my soul be numb for a while. That only peace I can rejoice.

Jen

Standing up, I walked over to the window one more time, waiting for the man who has turned my life upside down. He is the reason for this insomnia I am suffering with, I couldn't take a deep breath without it hurting. Outside, everything is still, as if petrified, and overpowering silence reigned. This stillness makes my heart race with panic. This feels different, it feels real, certainly I am left all alone in this whole world. I feel like giving up, to escape this agony, be a coward and end this torment. Is there any point in fighting this darkness? Why I am holding it? Sometimes, I wonder, I am living the same fate as my mom. I always accused her of not fighting harder for us, but now I could understand this feeling of worthless. Ending my life seems very fascinating, but I always pushed that thought Deep down into the recesses of my mind. Rick, where the hell are you?

I know you want to punish me for pushing you away and I hate you for this. Hoping to quell my anxiety attack, I start looking for my tablets one more time, but once again no luck. How stupid or pathetic it may sound, but I shamelessly admit that I am desperately hoping for Rick to come back and hold me in his arms. Near him, I feel safe, away from the horrible dream and away from those dangerous accusing blooded eyes.

Just the noise of tyres on the gravel has raced my heart. I ran to the front door and regret my action immediately.

"Who are you?" a girl, I must say a very pretty girl asked me with a puzzled look, I am too shocked to answer.

"Move" Rick's hard voice startle me, I was too engrossed with the sudden appearance of that girl that I didn't notice Rick. My heart sank seeing him covered in bruises, and his shirt was stained with..oh my god... is that blood? and my whole body went rigid. All I could think of is run from there and hide behind the closed door. Panic hit me hard.

"Fuck me" I saw him mouth my name, but I couldn't hear him. I am so dumbfounded and so confused and so petrified.

Stumbling on his feet, he walks towards me, and remotely I took two steps back. He sighed disappointedly. My eyes are still fixed on his blood-stained shirt, before I could lose my sanity, Rick called that girl and whispered something into her ears. Though I am not in the right frame of mind, yet his little intimacy with that girl caused aching in my heart.