His Intense Love

55

Jen

My heart thrills with joy watching Rick giggle with kids, he is not the typical Rick around the kids. Seeing him play, talk, and laugh with them warms my soul, thawing the icy walls I've built around my heart. I'm immensely grateful to him for introducing me to these little angels; in their innocence, I find a sense of peace that allows me to breathe freely and gather the strength to move forward. I clutch my stomach, though a pang of sorrow still lingers for what I've lost, I've long buried my grief, creating a phantom of the past to punish my own soul. But now, something feels different.

That day, Rick proposed something I had never dared to dream of, and without hesitation, I found myself saying yes. And now, as tears threaten to spill from my eyes and my heart swells with overwhelming emotion, we stand here together. We've organized a small carnival for the orphaned children, a tribute to the memory of our unborn child. It was Rick's idea, funded by his generosity, yet I find solace in contributing what I can, decorating with vibrant colors and arranging modest amusements for the children. Though time and resources were limited, I poured my heart into every detail, and I'm content with the result.

In the quiet moments amidst the festivities, I find myself yearning to express the love and regret that weighs heavy on my heart standing near Rose Garden, now the final resting place of my precious unborn child, I feel a sense of peace wash over me. We've placed a small stone here in his memory—a fitting tribute to his brief existence. What better place could there be for him than here, surrounded by the loving protection of my mother's spirit? In my mind, he'll always be cradled in her gentle embrace, safe and serene.

"Mom," I whisper softly, addressing the memory of her presence, "please watch over him. Let him feel your love and warmth, just as I have always felt it. Tell him that despite my shortcomings, I loved him deeply and I am so sorry for not being able to save him. I wish I could have been a better mother, like you. I know you'll understand, Mom, and I trust that you'll help him understand too—that I wasn't myself when I had him."

Unstoppable tears cascade down my face, defying all attempts to wipe them away. I despise myself for not giving him a proper farewell earlier. How could I have abandoned my own flesh and blood? The weight of that decision still haunts me, lingering like a shadow over my soul.

"Are you hurt?" a little chubby kid asked me with a sad face. I shook my head slowly, wiping my tears off.

"Have my chocolate, you will feel better" he offered, his kindness melting my heart.

"Thank you" I murmured, bending my knees to his level and enveloping him in a tight embrace.

"Now I am feeling better" I whispered, my heart fluttering with adoration as the little angel kissed me on the cheek and wandered off to play happily with the other kids.

My heart races as I sense his nearness behind me, time seems to stand still as I dare not turn to face him. It's not that I can't bear the sympathy in his remorseful eyes, but rather, I'm hesitant to expose my vulnerability, especially to him.

After a moment of silence, he takes it upon himself to break the quiet. "Are you okay?" he asks, his words tentative yet impactful. I simply nod, still unable to find my voice.

"It's beautiful," he continues, his gaze sweeping over the carnival we've created. "You've truly outdone yourself. The children are enjoying it, and I'm so proud of you." His words bring a small smile to my lips, and I finally summon the courage to turn and face him. His eyes are tender, filled with a mixture of emotions.

"No, this is beautiful," I counter, my own emotions swirling as I glance at the stone that now holds a piece of our hearts. Engraved with the words ' Too precious for the world, Loved by Mum and Dad always,'