His Intense Love

27

Jen

The medics put Rick on the stretcher bed to load him in the ambulance, Jenny and I chose to be with Rick in the ambulance. My tears are uncontrollable, I want to stop but I can't help it. Watching Rick unconscious on the bed is my undone. I hate this man from the core of my heart, why he has to come back in my life, I was doing so good without him.

"Don't worry Jennifer, he will be fine." I turn my head to Jenny, who herself holding up her tears.

"This idiot knows how to dodge the death, this is not the first time I am watching him almost on his death bed." Jenny said with a sad smile.

"What do you mean?" I don't know from where I got my voice but I have to know what does she mean by this is not the first time Rick faced the death.

"Since I met him, this is the third time he put his life in danger, two times he did deliberately but it's different this time" her voice cracking with remembered pain.

"Last two times he overdosed the drugs, doctors gave up on him but he came back winning the death, despite of his suicidal attempts, it seems somewhere in his unconscious mind he was still fighting to live....." Her eyes met mine, holding a piercing look she continues "still he is fighting to live for someone" I choke my voice in my throat, and feel the waves of pain cramp in my stomach, hearing this made my heart hurt. Drug overdose? My gaze turns over Rick's face, his eyes are closed, his face is bruised with marks, his lips swollen with cut, yet he doesn't look broken to me. Then why did he try to kill himself with drugs? This revelation caused my heart bleed for him. As I watch him, I feel the pain. How couldn't I see his despair, I was so blinded with my hatred, I failed to see his grief, Rick is as broken as me. I was so consumed with myself that I didn't notice his own struggle. Yes, we both were carrying the weight of our past and did what we thought best to cope with our lives. The difference is that, I chose to seek help from psychiatrist and he chose the path of self-destruction using drugs. I always thought I was good in hiding my sorrow with straight face but now I must say Rick is the best, nobody could see his damaged soul behind his cold eyes. I am bewildered for a second, I cannot find a words for a moment, "I am sorry, I didn't realise I had hurt you so badly, please don't leave me Rick" the angry and sad tears spill over my face and I pray for his wellness.

Without wasting anytime they took him to the operations theatre. We all sat on the bench waiting for the operation to finish, it was an hour but there was no response from the doctors. Another hour still no response from doctor, I am scared and feeling nervous, fidgety and every slight movement caused me to jump, Daniel and Jenny sits beside me. Ryan is pacing in and out to know what's happening to Rick inside. Daniel looks at me with concern eyes, no words are needed as we communicated with our eyes and just sat and held onto each other. Yes, I need his assuring hug right now, I am feeling lost again.

Finally surgeons came out and informed us that they have removed the bullet but still Rick's condition is critical, he needs to wake up before 24 hrs or else the situation won't be in their hands. Everybody's face dropped and the room draws a collective breathe. Ryan seems distraught himself with the number of calls he is receiving for the horrific event which took at the launch, this could also have negative impact over his hotel business, Jenny went to Ryan for comforting him.

"Whoever has done this, I will make him pay for it" Ryan roar in anger, Jenny took him outside to talk, as noise is not allowed outside the ICU room.

Now it's me and Daniel alone.

"Rick was taking drugs" more than a question it's a sentence to me, I whisper looking at Daniel's eyes, pause for a moment and accusingly ask "You never told me about this"

Taking a deep breath, Daniel answer "You never asked about Rick before" I certainly didn't, how can I accuse Daniel and why I should expect him to tell me everything about Rick himself?

"Abuse and drugs is not new to Rick, neither to me. After Emily and his father's death and Rick's mom mental trauma, we only left with shelter. We were starving and had no money for food. As I told you before, we did everything to survive. Rick started fighting in the ring for money and from there he started using the drugs to numb his pain, yet he restrined himself to take it in certain limit. But when you left him, he had wasted himself on drugs and alcohol. I was also not around him at that time or you can say he chose to be alone from us. His mother has not seen him in this whole year." The hurt is clearly visible on Daniel's face.

"I wish I could have helped him but I was mourning myself for my lost. That day we both lost something precious" his eyes bore into mine, showing his great love for me and grief for his friend. "Can I see him?" detaching myself from him, I literally begged him to let me go inside and he agreed.

My heart beat ferociously while I enter his room, Rick is lying on the bed. Needle injected in his arms, propelling the drugs through his body in pulses, my eyes flick to the pulse rate monitor of the side which is moving in graphic, beyond my head. He looks peaceful on the bed, my heartbeat slips a little, looking blood stains on his wrapped bandage. Taking a seat besides his bed, I watch him breathing slowly. I gently move my hands over his, afraid not to hurt him, tears well up in my eyes. Looking at him in this miserable state, I feel the unbearable pain within me. Without blinking my eyes I watch his unmovable body and his closed eyes.

"Why did you come back Rick?"

"We are not supposed to be near to each other, see what happens whenever we gathered together, I told you this before and I am telling you again, our togetherness only takes us to the destruction" my tears fell on his wrist, wiping the tears from his wrist, I kiss his hand and then his fingers. I am not myself right now, I want to take his all pain, not knowing what to do I shower my kisses on his bruised arms, his hand, his forehead, his eyes, his cheeks and my lips halt over his lips. I gently rub his lips with my thumb, my tears are uncontrollable, wetting his face. I place my lips over his, kissing him with all my heart.

"Please wake up Rick" my lip rubs over his, I can taste my own salty tears on his lips, yet I kiss him again holding his face tenderly between my hands.

"This is not right and I don't want to but I...I..I love you Rick" I confess it between my hiccups.

"I am scared, please come back to me." I sob hysterically, kissing him one more time, I rest my forehead on his, closing my eyes. I said once again " I love you...I love you Rick"

Rick 😥😥😥

Jennifer Milano + Rick Adam = Destruction.... That's what Jen thinks, what do you think ? 😔😔😉

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