His Intense Love

32

Jen

"I'm afraid ma'am, we will not advise you to have a long Car journey in this condition" Doctor told me with a serious face, she doesn't understand I have a very important project there, Mrs. Karen needs my assistance.

"What condition? This is just a minor accident" I replied sternly, I hate Mrs. Karen for forcing me to visit this hospital, it was just a minor accident. Thank God, Mrs. Karen didn't come with me, otherwise she would have made National issue out of it.

"This is not because of your injury, but because you are pregnant" I looked blankly at her, contemplating her words.

"Pregnant? I can't be" I yelled at her, she looks shocked with my retort, my stomach lurched as if I'd been gored by a bull. Studying my reaction for a while, she extended the report towards me. Her eyes are judging me, seem quite agitated with my response.

My hands trembles as I held the positive report, how it could be? And then I recollected those intimate moments of mine with Rick, this can't be happening to me right about now. A strange sense of panic arises in me. I start counting my breath, in and out, in and out as my psychiatrist advised in such a state. I feel as if the entire world is spinning around me, the numbness overtakes my entire body.

"Are you alright Ms. Davis?" No, I am not. I want to yell at her. I can't have his baby. Swallowing hard, I reread the report in disbelief avoiding the doctor. Three months pregnant, why I don't realize it, because nausea and dizziness been part of you since that dreadful day. So, how would you notice the changes? But Jen, killer can't have baby, your hands are stained with the blood, and with this vary hand how would you touch the baby, Rick's baby. It might have his bluest eyes, his beautiful features which I still preserved safely in the depth of my heart. His and mine, this feels good and my heart fills with warmness and love... But my conscience object...yes yours, the killers blood, who conceived around hatred, betrayal, and revenge. You have your father's blood and see how you became, then what do you expect with your blood.

"What are the procedures to get rid of it?" the decision is made.

"Ms. Davis, why are you so upset? Children are a gift from God." Dr. said in a calm voice, I wanted to scream that God has already gifted me enough, no more gifts.

"This is my final decision doctor, assist me the further process" I didn't fumble or hesitate, this time I am sure what I want, it would be me who will decide, not my crude destiny.

I close my eyes, Rick's aghast eyes and his deeply sadden voice haunting me, it's really hard to retrain those voices in my head that are continuously repeating the same words he said to me over and over again. This is his fault that I am changed into this crude person. I am very damaged and don't trust people and tend to keep to myself more. I am not the happy go lucky person anymore, I can't talk to the people anymore, I miss the old me very much. I am just the shell of the person I once was.

I move slowly to the mirror, staring at the reflection "I will kill you if you cry" I promised the woman in the mirror. I glared at her until her tears retreated. She held her fist clenched tight, the nails biting into her palm. Her soft skin turned red.

But she doesn't shed a single drop of tear! I am proud of her, she would survive.

The next morning, I prepared myself and went directly to Mrs. Karen. On entering the house, I found her sitting on her favorite rocking chair looking through an old photo album of pictures of her and her husband. There are numerous photos of the two of them on the wall, and the desk and dresser. She always seemed little melancholy when she is in her room but today her beautiful and vibrant face looks completely pale, she seemed aged twice of her age in a few days. My heart seized with pain.