Chapter 13.

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I want to remain so
rooted to the ground that
these tears
these hands
these feet
sink.

I want to remain so rooted to the ground that these tearsthese handsthese feet sink

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THAT night my soul broke completely. Helpless, I cried to myself all night, cursing to the Gods for giving me such a damned life. I couldn't even remember the last time I felt truly happy, or a single time where my past wasn't mentioned or hasn't resurfaced. It was like pure venom, flowing through my veins and feeding my brain horrible memories, terrifying thoughts.

My childhood has been destroyed in the worst ways possible, the only comforting memory being my mother.
The rest, for being so quiet and loving the solitude, I never made friends during elementary school or middle or high school, demons followed me everywhere, blinding my sight with betrayal. As if every person I encountered had a black thorned doodle on their face, scaring me away.

Only a few tried to approach me, either for an hook up or to dig into my deepest secrets just to screw me all over the socials. Maybe it was just like how I thought, maybe not. In the end it didn't matter to me.

Joyce and David tried their best to be the parents I needed, but even they couldn't fill the deep void in my heart. They sent me to therapies, payed everything for my wellbeing, they sacrificed a lot and the only thing I could do to thank them was finally opening up, welcoming them into my hell. It was hard at first, they were extremely worried that I would've thrown myself from a bridge sooner or later so they put extra love and care for me, enough to make me understand that I was safe and loved with them.

It actually worked because I slowly healed – not completely, but still.

Now being away from them, on my own, felt strange. No one to take care of me, no one to hold my hand tightly and whisper that it's going to be okay, that it's just the demons in my head and that I am strong to fight them away. I wasn't weak, I was the strongest and the toughest woman, for surviving and keep on going on after what I've been through, the constant mental and physical abuse, having my mother die in front of my own eyes. That's what they always told me, to keep me sober from the darkest thoughts.

And I had no idea how to thank them enough for loving me and my rotten soul.

*

This morning I woke up feeling extremely tired, my eyes felt so dry and puffy from all the crying. Sitting up on my bed, I stretched out my arms and let out a loud yawn. My alarm was set earlier than ever since I was flying to another country once again, this time only with Ghost. The others would've reached us much more later as a back up.

Beams of sun rays shone over my pale face, my eyes were stull adapting to the light and they were blinding me, so with a groan I rose from the bed and immediately pulled the curtains to block the bright light. I did my usual routine a bit slower, feeling like a complete sloth, but then once I checked the time I realized that I was going to be late for the deployment.

I ran around like a crazy woman, fitting into my uniform, grabbing some food, tying my hair up, putting eye drops to soothe the dryness, then heading out, I rushed to the helo.

I couldn't even count the amount of times I bumped into the other soldiers, not giving them a proper apology for startling them or for making their things fall from their grasp.

"Scylla, you're so late." Ghost scolded me once I arrived at the helo, immediately hopping inside and buckling the seatbelt. I was panting heavily and for sure I didn't want to have him in my ears for the whole ride, nor be near him.

So my only response was silence as I pulled over my head the headsets and put on some music, to calm down my nerves. From the corner of my eyes I noticed him take a seat right next to me, I wasn't sure if he was telling me something since his lips were covered by the usual balaclava. Instead, I just ignored him and leaned my head to the back, closing my eyes to catch on some hours of sleep I lost last night.

I instantly fell asleep and when I woke up, probably hours later, my head was laying on something more comfortable than the wall. Then a familiar cologne filled my nostrils, my head violently shot up and I looked at my side, Ghost was staring back at me intently.

Without saying anything I pushed down my headsets and looked outside the window, only to notice that the helo had already landed, "We landed five minutes ago." Ghost informed me with his usual cold tone, "Where?" I asked back as I unfastened my seatbelt.

"Austria."

I froze, my jaw dropped, "Austria? Laswell didn't say we were going to come here!" My head snapped in his direction, "Yes, she did. Probably you didn't even hear her." He rolled his eyes and got up from his seat, hopping off the helo. Stupid man, giving me attitude. How dare he.

I watched his back and scoffed, sighing in frustration before doing the same. The sun shone over my face and I had to use a hand to block some blinding rays. I had to quicken my pace to catch up to that giant as he was walking towards a huge black Range Rover, waiting for us at the exit of the hangar.

The windows were darkened for privacy and it looked more like a kidnapping vehicle.

The ride to the hotel took pretty much long, my back was killing me, I definitely couldn't bare any more of the long travels. When we arrived to the destination I was the first one to get out and stretch out my limbs, feeling like an old grumpy woman. Ghost just watched me with his usual emotionless expression, waiting for me to be done so we could finally 'check in' as a couple. All of this was making me want to throw up, I hoped for at least a room with separate beds.

And of course, luck has never been on my side. "Jesus Christ." I muttered quietly when we entered the room. The bed was a queen size – I just stared at it in horror. Sharing a bed with Simon Riley wasn't exactly in my plans, either being in an undercover mission as a couple.

Was God trying to hook me up with him?

Ghost just stayed silent and walked to the bathroom, gladly locking himself in.
After what happened between us he seemed more distant and more strict, it almost felt wrong, as if he used me to 'satisfy' himself then throw me away just like that.

Even he was one type of a guy to sort out.

In the meantime, I changed myself into something more comfortable, Laswell sent a few people to give us new clothes so we could blend in more. About the dress for the party, I had no idea how it looked and I didn't even want to think about it.

I wrapped a black bandana around my neck and pulled a baseball cap over my head, before slipping into a warm jacket. I wasn't planning on staying in the same room as him so I preferred to go take some fresh air, even though I needed some rest for the upcoming task.

As I walked out of the hotel, the first thing I did was buying a packet of cigarettes and I immediately lit up one.

Hallstatt was such a lovely place, the historic centre attracted me the most as I strolled around the streets and visited a few Cafes.

Speaking of tomorrow's mission, our target rented a Villa that faced the beautiful lake, a perfectly chosen place where to host a luxurious ball; if only people knew about his connections with Makarov.

I exhaled the smoke from my nostrils and walked towards the railing, leaning against it to look at the lake, from afar I could see the oh so famous Villa, an elegant white and golden building, surrounded by trees, a huge balcony that acts as a square too, overlooking the lake and the view of the town.

Now, my position mattered more than ever, the mission depended upon me. I needed to put on a mask, act as Lydia Harrison, married to Andreas Harrison, the perfect rich couple. Thinking of faking Ghost's wife made me nauseous, even though I wanted to keep my distances from him it looked like destiny had better plans and was completely against me.

I was cursed for real.

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