Chapter 25.

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She was
the bightest,
but most
distant
star.

BEING back in Weymouth was a torture to me, breathing this awful city's air made me want to throw up and run back to the base

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BEING back in Weymouth was a torture to me, breathing this awful city's air made me want to throw up and run back to the base. Rochdale was my homecity, but after what happened I moved in with my uncle in Weymouth. He owned a lovely villa with Joyce that overlooked the beach and I remember spending my sleepless nights there, in the cold water of the sea.

As soon as I got out of the train station, I immediately recognized Joyce's face among the crowd, my heart instantly melting. When she spotted me, she raised her hand in the air and started waving it frantically, she looked so excited to see me again. "Riri!"

I dragged my luggage with me as I approached her, "Joyce." I forced a smile on her face, once I was facing her, she engulfed me in a tight and comforting hug, her usual apple perfume filling my nose. "Oh my God! How are you? You look so thin, have you eaten? Were you doing alright? How could you go to missions being this thin!" She bombarded me with questions. I had just arrived and she hadn't even given me time to breathe properly.

I forced another smile, returning her hug with my free arm, patting her back awkwardly. It felt strange not to see my uncle at her side, it had always been the two of them waiting for me at the station and then accompanying me by car to the villa. He was still hospitalized with no positive news, in fact, the bleeding was slowly expanding and I knew he wouldn't make it.

"I'm not going to die, you know I'm not a fan of food." I retorded, heaving out a sigh before I pulled away from the hug.
"David would've been so proud and happy to see you back here. He'd love to hear all the missions you've gone to."

Her words made my heart ache, the reminder of him being sick was something I tried to push away. He couldn't leave yet, he was always so strong and tough, he still had to give me an explanation to everything. My whole life felt like a joke, full of lies and people I couldn't trust.

"I know." I simply said, her eyes held concern and tiredness, her eyebags looked darker, she was clearly exhausted for staying next to my uncle in the hospital and taking care of everything at home.

*

The ride to the villa was short, at this hour there wasn't any traffic around the city and Joyce was quick behind the steering wheel. Getting out of the car, I took my luggage from the backseats and stopped to take in the big villa in front of me.

Nothing had changed, it remained as I had left it when I moved back to Rochdale, to live on my own. As I looked around, old memories came back to me; the little Meridia who sat on the porch listening to music with her headphones, who read books to push her mind into a world apart to momentarily forget about her demons.

Then, turning, I found the sea shining a lovely orange almost red, the sun was setting and gave a majestic sky with various colors tending to heat.

The sea was calm, I was attracted to it and it seemed to be calling me, like the old days. I felt the need to immerse myself in the cold and let the waves wash away all the worries, thoughts, fears, memories.

I returned to real life, entered the villa and found my way to my room. It too remained untouched, things in their corresponding places. Joyce came in every now and then to clean but she never allowed herself to touch my things. Before tiredness could reach me, I put all the things from the suitcase in the drawers and in the wardrobe, and then I threw myself on the bed, exhausted.

I had one week. One week to plan how to find my father. One week to visit my uncle. One week to talk to Joyce and find out the truth. One week to clear up my mind and forget about Simon Riley.

Every time I closed my eyes, I imagined him next to me, with his voice so damn husky and attractive and his fingers touching every inch of me.

By now he had put his poison in me, my mind was full of him too and I didn't want it to keep on going like this. After that night, I gave myself one more reason to screw him and move on with my life. He was just an arrogant asshole who wanted to sneak between my legs, nothing special.

But why didn't my heart want him to stay away from me? Why did my body still crave his attention?

I ran a hand over my face, before I stood up and grabbed a swimsuit from my closet. I immediately put it on and then covered myself with a simple loose sweatshirt. After I settled into the room, it had become night and no one would see me on the beach.

In silence, I left the villa and walked down the short sandy path, taking me directly to the beach. There were a couple of loungers with tables near the shore. The cold sand slipped under my feet, I took off my sweatshirt and placed it on one of the loungers along with my phone and house keys.

I walked towards the shore, where the sand became wetter. The waves touched my feet and then my ankles, the water was freezing, it was the middle of autumn and like a stupid one, after the fever, I was about to immerse myself in the cold water. Unfortunately it was my way of venting the pain, a way that wouldn't leave marks on my skin.

I clenched my teeth tightly when I walked into the water, the cold was spreading into my bones, I only felt cold overcoming my pain. A shaky sigh escaped me, I dove deeper until I decided to dive straight in. I held my breath, let my body lulled within the sea, the soothing sound of the water filled my ears along with the sound of my heartbeat.

I curled into a ball, hugging my knees tightly, I thought about the weeks spent with John's team, returning to duty after a long time had perhaps helped me a little – not talking about Arseni – having people around who wanted to take care of me was strange, almost surreal.

I had never opened up to any of them, I still saw betrayal in any person and it saddened me. Soap seemed like a genuine person, he just wanted to be friendly and help me, and I kept on pushing him away like an arrogant bitch, same thing with John. Above all, he had given me the opportunity to return to doing what I continued to live for, he guided me on everything, he worried about me every second.

When my lungs started to burn, I resurfaced and took deep breaths of air. My body had already gotten used to the cold, I felt at one with the sea.

I turned my body in the direction of the moon, my eyes admiring its beauty. I couldn't give up yet, I had to find that asshole of my father and make him suffer, just like he had done to me. It would have been tough, I know, but I was too stubborn to stay back or tell John everything.

I would have traveled the whole world to find him and rip out his heart, to feed it to my demons so as to appease them and finally live in peace with myself.

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