Never forget how beautiful you are (Gerard Way FF)

Chapter 56: Something good for the first time

RYLEE'S P.O.V.

I thought that going away would help me with my insecurities and would make me forget about Gerard, but what I discovered that day changed my world.

I was brought from my thoughts by Mikelangelo waving his hand in front of my face.

– What? – I asked.

– You've been out for like ten minutes. I asked you if want to come with us – he repeated.

– Where are you going? – I wondered. I hadn't heard a word they'd said. I was thinking about...well, Gerard.

– We're going to Le Lion Blanc – he told me.

I thought about it for a moment but shook my head. I didn't really feel like having fun that night. I wanted to go home and read my favorite book or something like that.

– Yes, you're coming. You can't continue like this – Melissa said.

I opened my mouth but she shushed me, so I just sighed and shrugged. There was nothing to do then.

I went back home to take a shower and to change my clothes since that day I'd gone to work wearing a pair of black trousers, a simple white t-shirt and my black converse.

Sitting in front of the closet, like the day Gerard and I went out for the last time, I sighed and ran a hand trough my hair. I had cut it two days after arriving to France.

I was trying to forget about Gerard, but he continued calling me, and I still loved him as the first day. How could I just forget the love of my life? I had to convince myself that he wasn't the “love of my life” but just another guy.

That was easy to say.

The bell rang. I blinked twice and then stood up and went to see who it was. I looked at the clock in my way to the door. I still had time to get ready.

He stood there, his wet hair and clothes telling me that it had started raining.

GERARD'S P.O.V.

If you ever decide that you are going to give one of your best friends a copy of the keys from your house, let me give you an advice, don't do it.

Frankie came in my bedroom and opened the curtains. I groaned and covered my head with the pillow.

Jamia and he had been knocking on my door for fifteen minutes, but since I hadn't opened the door, he had used the key.

– Get the fuck out of the bed! – he almost yelled, taking the pillow from my head.

– Leave me alone – I groaned.

– No! Now get your ass out of bed – he said.

Frankie was being an asshole when all I wanted was to be alone. I didn't want to live anymore, so, why couldn't I just enjoy my loneliness?

– You can't continue like this, what happens with the band? Uh? Are you just....oh come on... – oh well fuck, he had discovered the bottle of whiskey I had hidden under the bed.

– Gerard, dude, not again... – he said lifting it up.

– Just leave me the fuck alone. You can take my place in the band – I groaned.

– Are you kidding me? Nobody can take your place in the band. Do you think the fans would be all like “oh okay, just another singer” – Frankie simulated a feminine voice.

Two days after Rylee disappeared, Lindsey called me and I did the DNA test. Guess what. The baby wasn't mine.

I tried to call Rylee so many times I lost count of the number. But I had to accept that maybe she didn't want me in her life anymore. Maybe she had moved on.

Now I didn't have a girlfriend, neither a son/daughter. And I felt so lonely. I didn't want to eat or to be with anyone. If I was alone, I wanted to be completely alone. I had enjoyed my life for a lot of years, now I was paying the pleasure.

– Jamia is preparing you some lunch, get up – he finished and disappeared from the room.

I sighed, then turned around and faced the ceiling.

He was right, the band needed me, at least the fans would be happy.

I uncovered my body and got up from bed, introducing my feet in my slippers.

~»~

I looked myself in the mirror after the shower. I had stopped dying my hair red; now it was blond, and I liked it that way.

I sighed again and ran a hand though my hair. I had to stop thinking about Rylee, but I just...couldn't. Everything reminded me of her. Everything that made me happy reminded me of her.

I shook my head. I had to take those thoughts from my mind.

Time to take a plane, Gerard. But first, time to get a hair cut.

~»~

I was determinate to make it through that tour, but that didn't mean my mind was working well. Since we had started the tour, Frank had described me as a sad and bored person, not longer “Gee”, but Gerard.

The day he told me that, I just rolled my eyes and put back the ear phone in my ear.

I didn't care. I was trying my best to recover, but the image of my nonexistent future kept running through my mind. I was only able to forget about it during the concerts or while I drew, but the muses had decided to leave me, so, only the concerts.

– Guys, five minutes – said our tour manager.

I sighed, stood up clapping my hands on my knees and stretched my back.

Time to sing some songs.

– Good luck guys! – Said Mark, a friend of us that had come to the that concert. I smiled and nodded in my way to the stage.

The lights, the cheers from the crowd...something felt good for the first time since Rylee left.