Never forget how beautiful you are (Gerard Way FF)

Chapter 67: Mood swings

 RYLEE'S P.O.V.

I chew the pen while thinking on what to put on the list.

I had talked to Jamia and she had told me to write a list with what I wanted to put in the baby's room.

– First you need to know if you're having a boy or a girl – she had said with a smile on her face. We were using Skype.

I wanted it to be a boy. A little Gerard. I couldn't help but to smile at the thought.

On the other hand, Gerard wanted a girl.

I gave up for a minute and rested my back against the couch.

– Having problems? – Gerard wondered from his position, a yellow marker in his right hand.

– Well, since I don't know if it's a boy or a girl, I can't decide what to put on the list – I left the pen and the paper on the table and lay on the couch.

I closed my eyes, enjoying the comfort of that sofa.

– I'm pretty sure it's going to be a girl – Gee said.

I rolled my eyes and took the paper again.

~»~

The next day, I asked for an appointment. It was time to find out the gender of my child. But I'd have to wait until the next day.

But, even with that, I already had some clothes that he or she would use no matter what.

A MCR baby bodysuit, for example.

I hated the days when I felt horrible with myself and everything made me cry. And that day was one of them.

Gerard had gone to the supermarket to buy some food, and I was left alone, crying like a baby every ten minutes.

When he got back and saw me like that, he sighed, left the bags on the counter and knelt next to me.

I looked up at him and he gave me a candy. I half smiled and took it.

– I really can't understand those mood changes – he said, kissing my forehead and then going back to the bags.

– Me neither – I shrugged and unwrapped the candy.

GERARD'S P.O.V.

I sat down and half hugged Rylee. She'd stopped crying, but was still sad.

– Gerard, can you sing for me? – she suddenly asked.

– Of course. What do you want me to sing? – I replied.

She remained silent for a couple of minutes and then spoke.

– Can you sing The world is ugly? – I breathed.

I sang for her, the words coming to my mouth unconsciously.

These are the eyes and the lies of the taken
These are their hearts but their hearts don’t beat like ours
They burn ‘cause they are all afraid
For every one of us, there’s an army of them
But you’ll never fight alone
‘Cause I wanted you to know

That the world is ugly
But you’re beautiful to me
Well are you thinking of me now (now)

I had been thinking about the band, the baby, me...I was starting to think that maybe I needed a break.

These are the nights and the lights that we fade in
These are the words but the words aren’t coming out
They burn ‘cause they are hard to say
For every failing sun, there’s a morning after
Though I’m empty when you go
I just wanted you to know

That the world is ugly
But you’re beautiful to me
Are you thinking of me
Like I’m thinking of you
I would say I’m sorry, though
Though I really need to go
I just wanted you to know

I wanted you to know
I wanted you to know
I’m thinking of you every night, every day

I wanted to be there for Rylee and the baby, I wanted to hear the first words of my child, to see his/her first steps...I didn't want to be on tour while Rylee had to do it all. I wanted to be a part of my baby's life more than a couple of months per year.

These are the eyes and the lies of the taken
These are their hearts but their hearts don’t beat like ours
They burn ‘cause they are all afraid
When mine beats twice as hard

‘Cause the world is ugly
But you’re beautiful to me
Are you thinking of me
Like I’m thinking of you
I would say I’m sorry, though
Though I really need to go
I just wanted you to know
That the world is ugly (I just wanted you to know)
But you’re beautiful to me (I just wanted you to know)
Are you thinking of me

So, I was determined to see him or her growing up, to enjoy every possible minute of it.

Frank was my friend, and I was happy for him, but I had seen him talking to his daughters through web cam because he was on tour. I'd seen him listening to his daughters voices through the speakers of his laptop because he was on tour.

Stop your crying, helpless feeling
Dry your eyes and start believing
There’s one thing they’ll never take from you

Rylee's breathe told me she had fallen asleep. It was 4 pm, so I just let her sleep. A nap wouldn't kill her after all.

I carefully lay her on the couch, resting her head on a pillow, and sat down on the armchair. I took my phone, took a photo and then decided to relax, answering some questions on Twitter and playing with a game I had downloaded.