Destiel One Shots

Dear Diary,

Dean had a thing for privacy. Everyone knew that, everyone respected it. Mostly because he has guns.

Dean respected others privacy as well. But when he saw the book sitting on the table with no one around, he just had to check what it was.

He opened the book to find the words 'Dear Diary' written at the top of every page. He recognised the handwriting, it's was Cas's.

I can't read it, it's private. He thought the himself, but if he doesn't want anyone to read it, he wouldn't have left it here, right? At least that's what Dean told himself to make himself feel better as he read the first entry.

Dear Diary,
Humans are confusing, so are emotions. But I have to admit that they are stronger than I thought. I've only been a human for a week but I already give up. How can they take on these emotions without breaking down every minute of every day? It's one things that confusing about them.

But what's even more confusing is how most refuse to speak of their emotions. Like Dean, for example, he'd rather keep them stored up inside of him instead of share them with me or Sam. But I can't blame him, I realised that talking about emotions can be difficult.

So as I find it difficult to speak of my emotions with others, I have concluded that I will write them down in a Diary. I never had one before, so I'm not sure how it works.

I'm probably going to write in here everyday and maybe try to make sense of my feelings when I find out what they all mean.

Dean couldn't help himself but to turn over the page and read more, even when he knew it wasn't right. Cas was writing about his emotions and if he wanted to share them he would. He clearly wasn't comfortable talking about them but Dean pushed all those thoughts aside as he saw the first sentence on the next page:

Dear Diary,
I think I have feelings for Dean. I don't really know what that means but I saw it being said in movies. I don't know what feelings exactly, but whenever I'm with him I feel different than when I'm with anyone else.

It's like when we touch I feel something in my stomach that I can't describe. When we make eye contact I don't want to look away. He has beautiful eyes. I never saw eyes as beautiful as his in my entire life, and that's saying something.

But I don't think he would approve of my feelings. My vessel is a man and he 'doesn't swing that way'. Maybe if I changed my vessel something might happen. However I'm still not sure what feelings exactly, but I feel the need to be with him every second of the day.

I would talk to him about it but it's really hard. I don't know why, but whenever I'm with him I feel like my throat isn't letting me say what I feel. It's like there's a lump that's forbidding me from expressing my emotions. This is all too complicated for me.

Dean stared at the page. Cas has feeling for him? Should Dean ask him about it? Should he just leave it? What feelings exactly? Questions ran around Deans head as he flipped the pages to see if his name was mentioned anywhere else. Surely enough, it was on every page.

I think I know what I'm feeling towards Dean.

Dean is the only thing keeping me sane in this world.

Dean would never love me back.

I'm not good enough for Dean.

By the end Dean felt his eyes watering. Did Cas really think so low of himself? Dean never really thought about his feelings towards Cas, but he knew he felt something. He usually tries to push those feelings back because everyone he's ever loved gets hurt.

Dean was going to ask Cas about the Diary but couldn't do it. He read something personal, Cas wouldn't be too happy about that.
Instead Dean grabbed a pen and opened a fresh page in Cas's Diary.

Hey Cas,
First of all, I'm sorry for reading this. I didn't mean to but I only read the first two entries and then a few sentences in the middle. But now that I read it, I want to say something.

I never thought you'd think so low of yourself, don't ever think you're not good enough for anyone. If anything I'm not good enough for you. You're perfect Cas, seriously. I love it when you're confused and you do that cute head tilt, or when you understand a reference I make and you look so proud of yourself. I tell you about my personal space but in reality I'm happy when you stand a little too close to me. These little things about you make you perfect.

But you know me, I push my problems aside or down them with a bottle of whiskey. I sometimes can't deal with my emotions too, probably why I'm writing this instead of saying it to your face. I'm a little scared of this world as well. It's all too complicated for me. You know I hate chin flick moments, but sometimes you can't dodge them.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm really bad at expressing my feelings, so I'll try my best. When you walked through the door of that barn, I honestly didn't expect you to have such a big impact on my life. I didn't expect you to be my best friend. I haven't had a best friend in ages and I forgot how that felt. But mostly, I never expected to fall in love with you. I don't care how stupid that sounds because it's the truth.

You said that if never love you back, but I do. And its so much easier to say this on paper. I reserve those three words for people who really mean the world to me. I only ever said them to my family. Love is a strong word that most people use too much, but when you use it too much it loses its meaning.

But I have come to terms with my emotions, and I can say that, Castiel, I love you. And when I say that I mean it.

Now that the chick flick moment is over, when you read this I totally understand if you will be mad at me for reading your diary, but if you're not mad, or when you cool down, you know where I'll be.

Dean.

-----

It's been an hour since Dean has rewritten the letter in Cas's diary but he still seen no sign of Cas. He probably read it and got angry at him for touching his Diary. It was a stupid idea. I should have left it alone.

Dean stared at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears back. He sat up on his bed and put his head in his hands. What have I done? I'm so stupid, Cas will never forgive me for th-

"Dean?" A small voice said, making Dean jump and look up.
Cas was standing at the foot of his bed.

"Cas... Have you-" Dean started but Cas interrupted him by walking over and pressing their lips together. Dean was still for a second, but then realised what's happening and closed his eyes, moving in sync with Cas's lips. Cas was the first to pull back and rested his forehead on Deans.

"I'm not angry, Dean. I left it there on purpose. I didn't know how to say what I feel... I left it there so you read it. But I wasn't expecting that," Cas said. Dean cupped Cas's face with his hand and pulled him back so he could see his blue eyes.

"It broke my heart, you know. How you thought you aren't good enough. Look at me, I mean, for gods sake, I'm a mess. I don't deserve someone like you, Cas. How am I so lucky?" Dean said, he felt tears running down his cheeks.

"Don't say that, we all have our flaws. I'm not perfect, no one is." Cas replied. There was a silence where they both just stared at each other.

Cas leaned in again, this time a little harder. He pushed Dean into the headboard and straddled him, just to get closer. The kiss carried on for ages. No one pulled back even when the sound of a camera went off behind them.