You're My Last Hope (Under Edit)

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Kellin what are you doing?!" Anthony yelled. I leaned my head against the stall and let out a tiny whimper. He grabbed some toilet paper and pressed it hard against the cuts, making me hiss.

"I'm so so sorry Kellin." He kept repeating that phrase. I didn't know why he was sorry, but I most defiantly didn't want his pity. I wanted to jerk my arm away and let the blood keep flowing; to yell for him to leave and let me die, but I was too weak. The most I could do was close my eyes and let out a tiny whimper.

"Ahh I need a first aid kit. I need to bandage this." Anthony said to himself. I weakly shook my head, but he ignored me. I could hear him stand up and walk off. I opened my eyes a bit. They landed on my razor on the floor. I must have dropped it. I wanted to pick it up and start again but, before I could, Anthony was back with a small first aid kit. My vision was slowly starting to clear up and I could see him rummaging around in it, looking for bandage.

"No..." I whimpered out. He looked at me.

"No what Kellin?' he asked softly. That same tone he used when we first met.

"No bandage..." My mind was still a bit fuzzy from the blood loss. Anthony shakes his head.

"Kellin these are really deep. We need to bandage them. You could get an infection from them. Or they could reopen and start bleeding again." I weakly shrugged.

"So?..." Anthony sighed.

"I don't care if you want to. I'm doing it." Before I could protest anymore, he started rapping the bandage around my arm. I jumped back.

"No!!" I quickly yank my arm back, ignoring the pain and holding it close to me. "Why do you even care?!" That same sentence, just in a different form, that I asked him when we met made the same pain appear in his eyes. I tried to ingore it by looking away from him.

"I just do okay?" Again, he voice was barely above a whisper. Déjà vu hit me again.

"That's not what I asked! Why!? I'm worthless as it is why do you care so much?!" I yelled, tears starting to pour down my cheek. Anthony quickly hugged me, pulling me into his lap. Something about the way his arms felt around me and his cologne reminded me of 'him' and I couldn't help but to curl into a ball, crying. He carefully rubbed my back and whisper stupid lies like, "It'll be okay." or, "I'll always be here." I knew they were lies but, just for a few minutes, I bought into it. After I had calmed down a bit, he said softly, "You don't have to let me bandage them. It's okay if you don't. I think it would be best though." I nodded.

"Y-you c-can." He looks at me then nods. But as he retched for the bandage, I whimpered and pulled him closer, refusing to let go. He reminded me too much of Max.....This time, there was no way to fight the memory. It quickly took over my mind.

Flashback

I quickly ran into the house and upstairs to my room. Dad was passed out on the couch so it didn't matter if I was loud. A tornado could come through and he'd still be asleep. I ran to Max and my room. We shared the little room together. Mom uses the guest room.

"Max I'm home." I whispered softly. He looks up from his desk and smiled at me. I ran to him and hugged him, to which he quickly hugged back, running his fingers through my long hair.

"How was school?" I shook my head, not wanting to think of it.

"What happened Kellybear?" I smiled a bit at his nickname for me and sighed, crawling into his lap. He let me and rapped his arms around me, holding me close to him. I buried my face in his shirt, breathing in the smell of his cologne.

"Rodger picked on me a lot again. He keeps calling me names!" I whine. Max sighs and tilts up my chin so that I'm looking at him.

"Ignore him. You're wroth twenty of him. He must not be that smart if he picks on someone so big and strong like you!" he said while tickling my stomach, making me giggle.

"Stop Max!" He smirked.

"Never!" I giggle again and try to squirm out of his grip, which just makes him tighten his grip on me. After maybe five minutes of him tickling and me begging him to stop, he does. He gets up and lays down on our bed, me climbing in after him and snuggling into his side.

"Anything else happen? How's Katie doing?" I sigh.

"She doesn't like me anymore. She was playing with Rodger today on the playground and when I tried to talk to her, she said she wanted to be Rodger's best friend and not mine. She said we could still be friends but not at school." Max frowns.

"Well that's her loss. You're a good kid Kellin." he said, pushing my hair out of my eyes. You could tell we were brothers. Same pale skin, same color lips, same eyes, same hair, same everything. The only difference is that I was nine and he was sixteen. I nod.

"I love you Max." he smiled and kissed my forehead.

"I love you too Kellin." I looked up and noticed that the area around his eye was darker than the rest of his skin. Slowly, I reach up and rub underneath his eye. He winces as I wipe off a bit of makeup, reliving a new, slowly forming bruise. I sighed, knowing where it came from.

"Did Dad do this?"

"Don't you dare call that man our father. Fathers don't beat the woman they said they'd love forever and his children." he growled. I whimpered and nodded, slowly moving away from him. He looked down at me with regret in his eyes, pulling me back to him. I was shaking a bit from fear. Dad growls at me a lot. Then hits me.

"Shhh I'm not like him. I won't hurt you." Max mumbled, pressing his lips against my forehead. I whimpered and nodded. He's my older brother. He protects me and doesn't hurt me.

"Go to sleep okay Kellybear?" I nodded and put my head on his chest, closing my eyes.

"I love you Max." I whispered.

"I love you too Kellin."

That's the last thing I remember before I fell asleep. I woke up maybe an hour later, noticing the other side of the bed was empty. I got up and looked around.

"Max?" I didn't see him anywhere. I carefully walked into the living room and peaked around the corner. He wasn't there. Neither was Dad. That's what worried me the most. I walked back upstairs and went into the bathroom. That's where I found him. Covered in blood. Laying on the floor. My mind couldn't process it all. All I knew was Max was laying in a pool of blood and there was a deep cut on his wrist. I knew what was happening. I wasn't stupid. My mind just couldn't process it. I knew what he was trying to do. I fell to my knees beside him.

"Max don't leave me please." I whispered, shaking his arm. He let out a moan. I looked up and saw his phone, underneath it was the note. I picked up the phone and called 911. That's what I was supposed to do right? If you see a lot of blood, you call 911, right?

"Hello how may I help you?" a lady asked.

"My b-brother-sucide. H-h-h-e." I couldn't even form a sentence.

"Could you please hand the phone to an adult?" she questioned. I shook my head, then realized she could see.

"My brother tried suicide!" I managed. "Send help please!" Tears started to run down my face.

"Right away. What's your location?" Location? I didn't know what she meant. Most of the time in school I was too stressed to pay attention so, even if the teacher went over that, I wouldn't have known.

"He needs help!" I yelled.

"Sir where do you live?" That must be what location means. I told her my address, then after hearing they were sending help, hung up. I looked down Max.

His pale skin was getting paler. Was that good? I didn't know. Was it okay to lose blood? Doesn't your body make more? I tried to remember if Max told me any of this but couldn't. Them I remembered Mom telling me something; if you ever get a bad cut, stop the blood. This cut was bad. Very bad. I needed to stop the blood.

I quickly grabbed a towel out of the closet and ran back to Max, kneeling down beside him. Blood was getting all over my jeans but I could care less. I put the towel against the cut and pressed down hard. I heard Max whimper. Was that good? He whimpered when Dad hurt him. Does this mean in hurting him? I must be. But I need to stop the blood.

I pressed down harder, watching the blood quickly turn the white cloth red. I kept moving to other places on the towel, all of them turning red. I was about to get another towel when I heard sirens. Then, some people with a bench thing with wheels ran in. I didn't know what was happening. They took Max and put him on the bench thing, running outside with him. I followed after them. I couldn't leave Max. I didn't fully know what was happening, but I knew he was dying. And I knew, if things were the other way around, he'd do the same. I felt a hand stop me as soon as I reach the ambulance.

"Woah kid what are you doing?" I looked up to see a man wearing something like a doctor's outfit. I whimpered.

"M-my bro-ther. M-M-Max. He's h-ur-hurt." I sobbed out.

"Where's your parents?" The man question.

"M-omm-y's at w-work. I-I-I-I don't kn-ow where d-d-ad i-is." He nodded.

"Your Dad isn't in the house, we know that. We can't leave you here alone. Come on you'll have to ride with us to the hospital." I nodded and let him lift me into the ambulance. People were surrounding Max; all of them saying things that didn't make sense. The man put me in a chair next to Max.

His skin looked pale. Too pale. It scared me. The doctors were rushing around him, putting bandages on his wrist and yelling things at each other. Realization of what could happen hit me. He could die. Max, my brother, my role model, my best friend, my guardian, could die. The thought brought more tears to my eyes, and I couldn't stop them from coming out. It was okay to cry right?

"We're here quick get him out! We need to get some blood into him!" one of the nurses yelled as doctors wheeled him out. I just sat there, crying. Where was I supposed to go? I felt a hand on my back and looked up to see the same man that put me in the ambulance. He smiled sadly.

"Come on kid. Let's get you inside. I'm Dillon, by the way." I nodded and looked up at him.

"W-what's going to h-happen to M-Max?" I sobbed out. He sighed and shook his head, picking me up off the chair and carrying me inside. I was glad. I felt lightheaded from all the crying, couldn't see well because of the tears, and I wasn't sure if my legs would let me walk. I clung onto his shirt, sobbing into it. I felt him sit me down somewhere and looked up at him. He kneeled down beside me.

"Look kid it'll be okay." I nodded, not fully sure if he was lying. He patted my shoulder softly and gave me a sympathetic look. I covered my face and looked down, wishing that I was anywhere but here.

"Do you want some water or something?" I slowly nodded.

"Okay. I'll be right back." I nodded again, still with my face in my hands. I couldn't help but wonder if he'll be okay. I hope. I looked down at my cross necklace Max had bought me a few years ago. I griped it tightly, trying to hold in my sob. Dad hated that I wore it but I didn't care. It meant a lot to me. I was saved when I was seven, two years ago. Max was so happy. So was Mom. They both scraped up enough money to buy it for me. It was simple, just a black rope with a silver cross on it, but I valued it more than life.

"Here you go." I looked up and saw Dillon holding out a water bottle. I take it, opening it and taking a sip.

"Wh-where's m-omm-y?" I ask.

"We just called her. She's on her way. Your Dad should be here any minute." I nodded, stiffening at the thought of Dad being here. Why was he even coming? He could careless about us.

"What's your name?" Dillon asked, sitting beside me.

"K-Kellin." He smiled softly.

"Nice name. What grade are you in?" I looked up at him from under my bangs.

"I'm in third." He raises an eyebrow.

"Really? You're kinda short for your age." I shrugged. I got that a lot. I was the smallest kid in third. Even some of the second graders were taller than me.

"Kellin there you are! I was worried when you weren't home." I jump at Dad's voice, wanting to coward into Max's arms. But I couldn't. He wasn't here. Dad sat down in the chair beside me. I tried not to let my fear show.

"S-s-sorry." He chuckled, sounding more like an evil laugh to me.

"Don't worry Kellin. It's okay. I'm just glad you're safe." He acted like he was patting my head foundly, but he wasn't. It was more like and semi-hard hit. Dillon was about to get up when I grabbed his hand.

"Don't l-leave p-p-please. A-at lea-st wait t-till M-Mommy gets her-e." I whimpered. He looked down at his watch.

"My break's almost over but I can for maybe five more minutes." I nodded as he sat back down. He looked over at me after a few moments, opening his arms.

"Come here Kellin." Without another thought, I climbed into his lap and curled into a ball. I just needed someone to hug me and at least act like they care. He rubbed my arm softly and pulled me close to him, just like Max would do. He held me like that until Mommy ran in, mascara running down her face. She ran to me, picking me up off Dillon's lap and hugging me close.

"Kellin baby are you okay?" she said, tears running down her face. I nod.

"I'm okay Mommy." I said back, rapping my arms around her neck. She started running her fingers through my hair, holding onto me for dear life. I laid my head on her shoulder.

"I love you Kellin."

"I love you too Mommy."

We stand like that, her holding me close and me clinging to her, for who knows how long until someone calls us into Max's room. I was glad. Mommy gave good hugs, but Max's were better. He'd bear hug me when he was proud, tickle and hug me when I was sad, and just sit there and hold me when I was scared. I was really scared. I wanted Max to hug me. But when we got there, Max wasn't awake. Something was hooked up to him, showing how his heart was beating. There was a slow rhythm of beeps coming out, making my breath catch each time there was a pause between them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Austins?" the doctor asked. Mom nodded and Dad looked like he could care less. The doctor sighed, running his fingers through what was left of his graying hair.

"I'm sad to say your son, Max, is in a coma. We can't predict how long it'll be until he wakes up. We think that, when he lost a certain amount of blood, he feel down and hit his head on something. His insurance will cover a few months of life support but after that, you'll have to pay." Mom nodded.

"We will." I looked up at her then at Max. I didn't know what a coma was but, since mommy was crying, I knew it was bad.

"Mommy is Max gonna get better?" I asked, looking back up at her. The doctor gave us a sad look. She nodded.

"Soon. He will soon."

Flashback Over

It's been seven years. Seven years. Soon. Yea right. The only reason he's still at least a little alive is because Mom kept three jobs to pay for the life support. She wouldn't let me get a job.

It felt like I was trapped in the memory for hours, reliving seeing my brother laying in a pool of blood and being taken away from me, but I knew it was only minutes. I loosened my grip on Anthony and let him grab the bandage.

We sat in silence, just him bandaging my arm, until he broke it.

"Why Kellin?" I knew what he was asking. Why do I self harm.

'Because it helps me cope. It makes me stop thinking. It makes me feel safe. Because it keeps me sane.' A million answers rush through my head. He looks at me from under his hair, still bandaging my arm. I shrug my good shoulder.

"Kellin there has to be a reason. People don't just do this to themselves. I mean, unless it's for attention. And I doubt that's why you do." I shake my head. I surely wasn't doing this for attention. I didn't want anyone to know who didn't have to. Anthony sighs.

"You don't have to tell me." I nod and look down, hiding my face behind my fringe.

"There. We're all good now." I looked up at him a bit, my hair still hiding my face. He was smiling, but I knew it was fake. That's when I noticed his jacket. I almost fainted when I did. Blood. It reminded me of Max. For someone who cuts, I couldn't handle much blood.

"Y-your jacket...B-blood...." I mumble. He looks down at it.

"It's okay. I have another one in the car." he said, taking it off. He was wearing an open flannel shirt with a Sleeping With Sirens t shirt under it. My thought from earlier came back, the ones about him cutting. I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts out of my head. He didn't. He couldn't. Could he? No. I needed to stop thinking of that.

I rolled down my sleeve, going to pick up my razor. His hand stopped me.

"D-do you really need it?" he asked. I looked at him and nodded. He shook his head.

"Anthony please..." I whimpered. He sighed.

"Kellin I don't understand why you have to do this..."

"Because my life's screwed up!" I snapped at him. I saw him flinch, instantly filling me with shame.

"I'm sorry Anth..." He shrugged.

"It's fine. Come on. Taylor and Emily are probably worried." he said, getting up. I looked down, seeing my razor. I picked it back up, wiping off the blood and sticking it in my pocket. I looked up and saw Anthony at the door, waiting for me with his head down. Pain and guilt hit me.

"A-Anthony?" I whispered, half way hoping he could hear me and half way hoping he couldn't.

"Yea Kellin?" He looked up and stared at me with an emotion that I couldn't figure out in his eyes. I looked down.

"I-I'm sorry..." I whispered. He shook his head again.

"Don't be. I'm the one who wanted to know." I shook my head and walked over to him then hugged him; something I've never done. He's hugged me but I never hugged back really. He looked down at me, sighing and shaking his head.

"Look Kellin don't feel bad. I shouldn't have pushed you t-"

"My brother tried to commit suicide when I was nine." I didn't give the words permission to leave my mouth, but it felt so good to tell someone. He didn't say anything.

"Hey Kell-Woah what happened here?" Taylor asked while walking through the door. That's when I noticed the blood the floor. I let go of Anthony, looking at it.

"I-I-I" I didn't know what to say. There's no way I could get out of this.

'He's going to find out then leave me then tell everyone about how I cut then laugh and make fun off me then-then-then' my mind started to go into overdrive. My breathing sped up. My heartbeat sped up too. I was having an panic attack.

"You remember when I cut my leg really bad a few days ago? Yea well I slipped and hit my leg against the stall and it reopened. I'm fine though. All bandaged up and ready to go." Anthony lied, giving his a thumbs-up and smiling. It was such a good fake smile that, if I hadn't just went through what I went through with him, I'd be completely fooled. Taylor nodded.

"Well we should probably go back to the table...." Anthony nodded.

"Yea. We should." Him and Taylor left, leaving me standing there; thinking.

'If Anthony's such a good liar and can hide behind a fake smile so well, how long has he been hiding things? Better yet, how is he coping with it?'