You're My Last Hope (Under Edit)

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

My eyes snapped open and I bolted up. I didn't know where I was. I looked around, panicing. This wasn't my room. The walls were navy blue, the floor was hardwood, the bed had a blue quilt, the dresser mirror wasn't broken. This wasn't my room. I started to panic more, moving back against the bed post. I felt like crying.

"Kellin calm down!" My head whipped in the direction of the voice. Anthony. I relaxed as he walked over to me and stood beside the bed, I'm guessing his bed. I looked down and noticed that my hoodie and jacket wasn't there. I had to wear both today; it was too cold to not to. I was glad I was wearing a long sleeved shirt. My cuts weren't showing. I looked up at Anthony.

"Here lay back down. Relax." That's when I remembered mom. I remained sitting as he lightly tried to push me back.

"M-my mom. I n-need to call her. She's probably worried." I choked out. Even though I was trying to stay up, it didn't take much for Anthony to push me down.

"It's okay Kellin. She knows. I told her when she called. She's here. Just lay down and relax, try to sleep some more. Your mom said you would need more rest after your attack. We can talk later, just go to sleep." he said, pulling the quilt up for me. I looked down, nodding. I was still tired, as I usually was after an attack. I usually put up with dad, crawled into my bed then passed out. Anthony pushed my chin up, making me look at him.

"Get some rest okay? But, as soon as you wake up, we need to talk. Got that?" I nodded again.

"Okay. Get some more rest." he said, turning around and walking out of the room, closing the door behind him. I turned around to face the window. It was dark outside, but the moon made me feel relaxed. It always did for some reason. I didn't think I could go back to sleep so I just laid there, staring at the moon. Somehow, it relaxed me enough to make my eyelids grow heavy and make me fall asleep.

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I was woken up by someone coming into my room. I lifted my head sleepily and saw Anthony. That's when I remembered I was in his room.

"Oh hey. Didn't mean to wake you up. Just came in here to change." he whispered. I looked at the clock on his desk. 10:00.

"H-how long have I been sleeping?" I ask, looking back at him.

"Well....Let's see. You blacked out on us around 3:30...Then you woke up once at five crying. We couldn't get you to calm down. You kept saying things like 'Dad's going to kill me' and things like that. That's when we called your mom to come over. She said you probably hadn't been taking you medicine and came over to give you some. You probably don't remember that. But that made you pass out and you didn't wake up until nine. So seven hours and a half maybe?"

"W-where's mom?" I whisper.

"She's in the guest room. She said you'd want her to stay here." I nodded.

"Well I'm gonna go change then go to bed. N-"

"Where are you sleeping?" I asked, cutting him off. I was in his bed and, honestly, I didn't mind if he slept with me. He reminded me of Max a lot. His cologne was the same as Max's. Plus, his arms felt like Max's. When he hugs me, half the time I think it is Max. It would be nice to be able to sleep and feel like Max was there again.

"Couch." he answered. I shook my head.

"No. You sleep here. It's your bed. I'll sleep on the couch."

"No. You're guest. You sleep here." I shook my head again, looking down.

"I'd feel bad though...." He sighs.

"Kellin I-"

"Do you think you could sleep in here with me tonight?" I asked, cutting him off again. I waited for him to start laughing, to get mad and me for making that request, for him to hit me, but he didn't. Instead, he nodded and walked over to the bed, climbing in. I instantly cuddle into his side, feeling like I was with Max. He put one of his arms around me, probably feeling a bit uncomfortable by me snuggling into him like this.

"Kellin?" I look up at him and make a "Mmhmm." sound.

"Why'd you ask me to sleep in here with you?" I look back down and shrug.

"I-I-I-" I sigh. "It's just that I have really bad nightmares....A-and you remind me so much of Max....I just thought that, maybe if you slept in here the nightmares wouldn't be so bad..." I whisper, looking up at him to see what he says. He just nods.

"What happened today, does it happen a lot?" I nod shyly.

"Yea. They do." My throat started to get tight and tears were treating to spill.

"What medicine did your mom give you?" I wrinkle up my nose at the thought of it.

"It's for panic attacks. I never take it. I never take any of them."

"There's more? For what?" I look back down.

"I-I have a lot of problems." I did. I didn't want to go into it though. I hated even thinking of taking it. I didn't want medicine to run my life, which, if I did take all the medicine, it would. My mind would function by the medicine. I hated the thought.

"Like what?" I shrug.

"Kellin please tell me. I want to be able to help you and I can only do that if I know what I'm dealing with." he said, turning to face me. I look up a bit and then back down. I didn't know if I should tell him or not. No one besides me, mom and Max knew. But then again, he knew about me cutting and hadn't told anyone. He also knew about Max. And he knew about my panic attacks now. Was it such a bad idea to tell him? Maybe I could trust him.

'No stupid!! He'll hurt you!!' the voice in the back of my head yelled. But this time, I ignored it.

"A lot of things. I have anxiety and panic attacks a lot. I have social anxiety. I'm depressed. I cut and I'm suicidal. You already know about Max. I guess you can say I'm anorexic. I have insomnia too." I gave him everything except for dad. That's the one thing I couldn't give him. "Oh," was all he said. I nodded and moved closer to him.

"I figured you were anorexic. When we went out that day of the concert, you barely ate anything. I could tell you were forcing yourself to eat how much you did eat." he whispered, staring at the ceiling. "You're really skinny though Kellin." I whimpered and tried to move away from him, but his grip on me was too strong. I whimpered again, pushing on his chest and holding back my tears. I hated when people said that. I never believed them, I couldn't. They don't understand; when all they see skin and bones, all I see is fat. I hated my own reflection.

"Whoa whoa whoa Kellin calm down." I felt Anthony grab my hands and pull me closer to him. I whimpered again and tried move back, making him pull me closer. It scared me. I wasn't much. He could hurt me easily. I felt his hand push my hair back.

"Kellin it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you." I look up at him and stopped struggling. I didn't know rather to believe him or not.

"P-promise me you won't." He nods.

"I promise I won't hurt you." I shook my head.

"Promise me t-that you won't tell a-anyone what I-I told you." I stuttered out. He nods again, pulling me to where I was back to his side. I let myself relax.

"I promise I won't tell anyone."