You're My Last Hope (Under Edit)

Chapter 37

Chapter 37

"No hold still Kellin! I'm almost done." I sigh and stay still as Anna put eyeliner on me. I don't know how she talked me into letting her put eyeliner on me and paint my fingernails, but she somehow did. She wanted to paint my nails neon yellow, but I talked her into black. She was straddling my wait and giggling. She said she wanted to make me at least a bit happy.

Today was my last day in the hospital.

Today. That's it. Just one day until I get thrown back into the place I call my home. I knew it would be rough going back in. Dad was mad about the hospital knowing about all the scars he caused, even though I told them they were all my doing. Marley and her son, I think his name is Jeff, were moving in with us. As far as I knew, I was staying in my room. I guess that was good. I knew that dad was going to beat me, there was no denying that; I just didn't know how bad it would be. I was guessing he'd be horrible. Four days without a punching bag is pretty bad for him and me. He'd probably try to impress Marley's son by showing how good of a job he does with beating me up. The kid will probably enjoy it. He'll probably beat me too. I hope I die during it. I feel like I deserve a beating, for what I did to Anth. I missed him. I haven't seen him or Taylor once since I've been here, though Cody has told me Taylor said to tell me hi. I missed Taylor too. He was so happy that I couldn't help but to have a little smile on. I missed him cuddling into my side and him talking nonstop. Anna smiles at me.

"Done. Wanna see?" Before I could answer, she holds a mirror up. I look into it, my frown growing. I hated it. Not the eyeliner, she did a good job with that, it brought out the specks of black in my eyes. I hated the reflection looking back at me. I hated myself. I wish I looked like Max. Max was handsome. He had short black hair and icy blue eyes, but his were warm and friendly. He was tall and strong. What was I? Just some pathetic kid who starved and cut himself in an attempt to look nice enough. A failed attempt, that is. Anna frowns.

"Do you not like it?" I look at her and quickly shake my head.

"No no no no. I love it. It looks great. I just....I don't like myself...." I mumble, not sure if I should. What does it matter though? She wouldn't care. No one would. She shakes her head.

"What do you mean baby?" I shake my head and look down. I didn't need to bother her with my depressing life. She's said over and over again in these past few days that I didn't, but I couldn't believe her. How did it not bother her? She tilts my head up and kisses me softly, letting her lips linger on mine. I could feel her wrap her arms around my neck and tried to relax. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around her, waiting for her to pull away and yell at me. She didn't though. All she did was smile and move closer to me. I didn't notice anything outside of her. All I could notice was her lips moving against mine and the feeling of her playing with my hair. It just felt so...right. Should I be feel right when I was kissing her? Wouldn't this just end up hurting me? I pushed those thoughts to the side. It didn't matter right now. Anna leans closer to me and nibbled a bit on my bottom lip, making me tense a bit. I didn't know what to do. I mean, I was fine with kissing, that didn't take much, but I didn't know what to do here. She giggles a bit and mumbles, "Relax," against my lips. I try to do what she said, but a door angrily opening separated us. Anna jumps back, surprised, but keeps her arms around my neck. I look over to the door and see dad. He looked angry. He pulled on a fake smile once he saw Anna though. I griped her tight to me and whimpered a bit, putting my face in her neck to hide the whimper. She lets me and starts rubbing my back. Strangely, it felt good. I looked up just enough to see dad.

"Ready to go home now?" I look down and force myself to not shake my head. I didn't want to go home. Home was full of hatred and pain. I wanted to go back to Anna's house. Anna managed to make me feel happy. I really don't know. There was just something about her rainbow hair and giggle that made me want to hug her. I didn't want to hear what dad would say about her. It would be nothing bad about her; I don't think there was anything bad you could say about her. He would yell at me that I don't deserve a girlfriend at all. And he was right. I didn't. I didn't deserve someone like Anna and she most definitely doesn't deserve someone like me. She deserves someone who can love her and is actually mentally stable. I looked up at dad from the corner of my eyes, then quickly looked back down. I didn't want to see him. I felt Anna kiss my cheek and let her. I closed my eyes and leaded closer to her. Dad cleared his throat, making Anna look up at him.

"Who exactly are you?" he said, a bit of harshness in his voice. I bit my lip to keep in a whimper. I wasn't going to let him hurt Anna. Anna was too innocent to get beat like I do. 

"I'm Annaleigh, Kellin's girlfriend."

'Girlfriend? Kellin has a girlfriend? Really? Are you his girlfriend out of pity? That has to be it. There's no way anyone could be stupid enough to date him.' I knew he wanted to say it. I wish he would. Maybe she'd realize he was right and leave. It would be better for both of us. I could die and she could find someone better for her. Dad slowly nods and looks at her like she mental. She leans to my ear and softly whispers, "I don't you to leave with him." I look at her and shake my head.

"I don't have a choice Ann..." I whispered, looking at her from under my eyelashes. She sighs and nods slowly.

"Well Annaleigh,a Kellin needs to get home. I'm sorry. You'll have to see him another time." Anna wrinkles her nose up and looks at me. I give her my best fake smile. She softly smiles and leans forward, pressing her lips against mine. I leaned forward, wanting to remember the feeling it gave me. It made me feel lightheaded, like when I was cutting. Only this dizziness didn't last as long. I wish it did. I wish the dizziness could get me through the beating. She pulled back and then kissed my nose.

"Text me soon alright baby?" I nod slowly and look at her. She smiles softly again, standing up and hesitantly walks out the door. As soon as she leaves, he throws some of my clothes at me.

"Hurry up and get ready -" I look down at them. Just skinny jeans and a long sleeved Bullet For My Valentine shirt. I looked back up at him just in time to see him walk out the door. I sighed and looked down.

I didn't want to go home.