Maddison Winchester: Journal 4 {Supernatural}

2 Are You There, God?: Part 1

September 22nd – September 24th, 2008

We were back at Bobby's house, researching. Dean kept pacing. He had been pacing a lot lately. He told us that after Castiel knocked Bobby and me out, he told him that he was an "Angel of the Lord."

"Well, then tell me what else it could be?" Sam asked, frustrated with Dean.

"Look, all I know is I was not groped by an angel," Dean said.

"Okay, look, Dean. Why do you think this Castiel would lie to you about it?" Sam asked.

Dean shrugged. "Maybe he's some kind of demon. Demons lie."

"A demon who's immune to salt rounds and devil's traps... and Ruby's knife? Dean, Lilith is scared of that thing!" Sam yelled.

"Don't you think that if angels were real, that some hunter somewhere would have seen one... at some point... ever?" Dean asked.

Sam nodded. "Yeah. You just did, Dean."

"I'm trying to come up with a theory here. Okay?" Dean asked. "Work with me."

"Dean, we have a theory," Sam said.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, one with a little less fairy dust on it, please."

"Okay, look. I'm not saying we know for sure." Sam shrugged. "I'm just saying that I think we—"

"Okay, okay. That's the point. We don't know for sure, so I'm not gonna believe that this thing is a friggin' Angel of the Lord because it says so!" Dean yelled.

"You two chuckleheads want to keep arguing religion, or do you want to come take a look at this?" Bobby asked.

I smirked and chuckled softly.

Sam and Dean walked over to Bobby's desk, where Bobby and I were sitting.

"I got stacks of lore... Biblical, pre-Biblical. Some of it's in damn cuneiform. It all says an angel can snatch a soul from the pit," Bobby explained.

"What else?" Dean asked.

Bobby furrowed his brow. "What else, what?"

"What else could do it?" Dean asked.

"Airlift your ass out of the hot box?" Bobby shook his head. "As far as I can tell, nothing."

Dean rubbed his forehead and sighed in frustration.

"Dean, this is good news," Sam said.

"How?" Dean asked.

"Because for once, this isn't just another round of demon crap. I mean, maybe you were saved by one of the good guys, you know?" Sam asked.

"Okay. Say it's true. Say there are angels. Then what? There's a God?" Dean asked.

"At this point, Vegas money's on yeah." Bobby nodded.

Dean shook his head. "I don't know, guys."

"Okay, look. I know you're not all choirboy about this stuff, but this is becoming less and less about faith and more and more about proof," Sam said.

"Proof?" Dean asked.

Sam nodded. "Yes."

"Proof that there's a God out there that actually gives a crap about me personally?" Dean shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it."

"Why not?" Sam asked.

"Because, why me? If there is a God out there, why would he give a crap about me?" Dean asked, sadly.