Sweeter Than Candy

Please read...

So...

Hi.

Been a long time since I've been on Wattpad (actually a few months as I started to update a little bit) and I have come back to share something.

This had been in my head for a while now and I kind of want to do something about it. Lately, my anxiety has been all over the place due to mid-terms week, online courses being at a fast pace, work. I needed relief. I have this journal that I call 'Space Thoughts' though now I don't have it anymore since my parents compensated it. It was my deep thoughts where there days I feel...just...off. I wouldn't want to use the term depress, more so just off that I shut myself out.

I hide the fact from the people around me so they won't worry me too much. Though lately, I realize that it keeps getting worse if I hold it in.

Now I'm not here to talk about what I was going through more so. I decided and thought this through.
I don't see many books where it talks to related issues. Seeing how there are kids, teens, adults who struggle much worse and much more drastic than I've had. I just have constant things that piled up my mind which causes my anxiety to increase.

I realize after I went through my first anxiety or panic attack. I had my journal, my mom found it. She read some stuff on there that was meant to be shut and private. She told my dad. They tried to tell me what was going on as I couldn't.

I was in shock, crying, Emotions we're running through me. I don't want to discuss what was in the book, more so discuss the events of I was in. My parents were trying to...pressure?...me on telling the truth of why I wrote this. I couldn't because I don't even know the truth.

I keep telling them to leave it alone. That this was my issue.

They didn't listen...instead, they kept pressuring, pressuring, pressuring me to tell me what's going on and wouldn't let me leave until I tell the truth. I just remember them on both sides, talking and talking, trying to make me reveal the truth.

Then I felt this aching feeling in my chest. Something I never felt, this ache was worsening more as the tears from my eyes were burning my eyes and my cheeks. I have my Apple Watch around my wrist, vibrating telling me my heart rate was beating way too high. Then I started to feel the tingles and numb feeling around my fingers. The aching was more prominent, as I began to have this shortness of breath where It felt like a rope was tied around my neck. Blocking my air passage to go through and allow me to breathe.

I never felt anything like that, until I realize I was going into a panic attack. My parents started to notice me having trouble breathing, and my mom saw my watch seeing the high heart rate. They stopped as they made sit down and try to calm down.

After that, I just started feeling anxious. Everything always throws me to constant worry. I didn't want to go to therapy and face the truth. Even writing this kind of pull me back to that moment again. Hard to even describe the feeling.

So...the point is...I want to establish something that people go through every day. We all live in constant fear and worry. Some of us have it worse than others. People go through their own problems today no matter how large or small it is. So...I'm creating a book...a book base on my space thoughts and weird imagination.

What it's going to be is different chapters will be different.

We will have a different storyline.

Different ideas.

And sometimes those chapters will be altering a bit in reality or Away from it in a fantasy dark land.

This book will be based on the book of my thoughts and my imagination as it's like a reliever to an add-in. I'll only have one character.

My alter ego.